February 2012
17 posts
New Stage of Grief
Dear Mom,
It is now two years and seven months since you crossed that bridge to the next life. I still miss you and think about you frequently. Little things remind me of you, such as eating at Friendlies and the table being too high for you to sit comfortably. I wear some of your coats and jackets. I’ve lost weight and they now fit me. I feel close to you when I have one on me. You were...
“your love is better than ice cream.”
– s.m.
Here With Me
Spec. C.L.S, I’m writing this because you are currently laying in a bed across the country from me, and I haven’t found the words to tell you how I feel. Three years ago, we met via an add on Craigslist, we went on our first date to Castles and Coasters, and even though I chickened out, we remained friends. Every date and guy since, I’ve thought about you. Last year, you were...
Your Sometimes-Daughter
Dear Dad,
I want you to know that I’m not mad that you were never around. I don’t blame you. You weren’t ready to be a father, and I understand that. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to see how you were with your second wife’s children. I always wanted to fit in at your house…but I never could. I just didn’t belong there.
Still, every time a...
Break Down My Walls
Dear Dan,
I’m afraid of the future. I’m afraid of commitment because I have been hurt by people in this lifetime. As I end my college days, and you still have two years left, and I want nothing more than to wish to be with you. I want to picture us having a home and a place to grow with each other. While every day you tell me I am beautiful, I seem to ignore it and find a way to convince myself...
Bunny Heaven
Dear Fufu,
I wish I knew when you would die, but I did not. Your death was unforgivable and my heart was shattered, and it could not be mended again. I still remember when you were extremely sick and could not be revived. Think of all the fun we would have if you did not die.
I hope you have a wonderful, fantastic life in bunny heaven.
Love, Alex, age 10
Reconnected
Dear boyfriend,
You are asleep downstairs right now. I can’t stand to sleep next to you because of how this week has gone. I am so tired of finding out that you and her are “reconnecting”. This is the third time you have “reconnected” or had her on the side, in the past year. In all reality I should leave you, I should have left you a long time ago. The problem with...
My Last Attempt
Dear Dad,
Do you at least remember my birthday? Or does your new wife have to remind you? Do you remember my middle name? Probably not. I’ll never forget yours.
At my prom, when it was time for the father daughter dance, I wanted to get it over with. In ten years from now, at my wedding, I’ll be walking down the aisle and you won’t be the one walking next to me. It kills me to...
The Horror
Dear Tim,
I’m sorry for not going to the movies and watching horror films with you. You’re my boyfriend so I should feel safe with you. But that is not the problem. Neither are the demons or the scary voices that you jokingly think it’s about. When I was twelve years old, I held my older brother as he took his last breath. I looked into his eyes until they became nothing. His body was...
Lost Love
Dear boy at the hockey match,
I know this sounds stupid, and completely desperate, but I have thought about you nearly every day since October 2011. We said maybe two or three words to each other, and that was it. But I just feel that you are my soulmate. This makes me sound pathetic but I don’t care. I would give anything to be able to go back to that day. To just find out your name. I have...
Made the Man I Love
Dear Gail,
I would like to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for making the man I love. I know you didn’t mean to leave this earth so early and leave behind your two babies, but I also know that the experiences he’s had in his life have made him into the man I love and am going to marry in five months.
I so wish that you and I could have met and known each other, and that I...
3 tags
Thanks, G
Dear Grandma,
I have been thinking lately about all the wonderful things you do and did for me, and everyone else. You where the strong one when my mom died; you took me in to let me live with you. You always make sure I get what I want. You have never given up on me, even when I was slipping up in school, when I just didn’t care.
Then I was thinking about what I do for you. It saddened me when I...
5 tags
Strength of a Sister
Dear my older sister,
I know it has been years since our mother has hurt you in so many ways, but it still gets to me about how brave you were and how sacred I was. You were always there for me and our brother. You would put us to sleep and tuck us in while mom was in school and dad was working, reading me a story and snuggling me until I was dreaming peacefully. That never lasted long,...
Your Flame
Kris,
You’re the last thing I think about at night, and the first thing every morning, and every minute in-between. You are an incredible person, so determined and driven, good hearted, and such a beautiful soul. There’s not a day I don’t miss you, and there will never be a day that I’ll stop loving you. You were supposed to be mine, we were supposed to be each...
Are You Proud Of Me?
Dear Dad,
It has been five years now and I still look for you when I come home to visit. We all miss you; I can hear it in Mom’s voice when I talk to her on the phone.
Sometimes I think she has been crying and just won’t admit it. I am living my life for you, to make you proud. Every choice I make is first considered “What would Dad have to say about this?” When you were here, I could ask you and...
“If you want to change the world, pick up your pen and write.”
– Martin Luther
A Sister Left Behind
To my brother,
In my head, I understand the reasons why you did what you did. I have been there many times myself. Parts of me admire the fact that you had the guts to do it, but then I get so sad that you felt that was the only option you had. Why didn’t you just pass out? I know you have a million times before.
I wish you would have told me goodbye. You told other people (in your...
January 2012
36 posts
Hard to Move
Dear A.J.,
You are a great friend and I really wish you were here right now. But since you are not, this is what I have to say.
This is the first time I had ever had one of my best friends move, and I hate for you to be the victim of your family’s moving. It was hard for me and probably hard for you, too. I can’t even explain how long it has taken to move on, and I still think about...
All That You Gave
Dear Mom and Dad,
I grew up with the notion that you guys didn’t love me enough because I never had new clothes like the other kids, or the latest technology device, and I always had to do chores, never heard the words “I love you” coming from you guys. Growing up, I resented that, and was a bit sad that you guys didn’t love me. I never got to experience bonding time with...
Our Family
Dear Love,
There are so many things I want to tell you, but I can’t. Like, I wish we could make it together, but I know we can’t. Our age difference plays against us in so many ways. We made a beautiful child, though. I love him more than you can know. You’ve only seen him twice, and it breaks my heart. Sometimes I wonder if you even care about him at all. I’m sure you do....
My Despair
Dear Madelene Rose, I love you more than life. Movie quotes and lyrics still connecting us like constellations. Your hazel eyes complete me. Four tracks is not enough to tell you how I died inside. I don’t want to feel anymore, I’m never over it. This lust to my brain feels like a gun. I lost my head, my mind. Everywhere I go, I think about you. This life, this existence is...
Just Like You
Dear Dad,
I fear that somewhere down the road you will forget me. In the last year, you have deployed and have remarried since mom. I know the cancer took her years ago, but I’m still here. I’m still the little girl you used to run around the baseball field with. Still the little girl that screamed from the stands at your hockey games. And do you remember that lost and afraid little...
Powells Event
Those who live in the Pacific Northwest, mark your calendars! On March 15th, we’ll be having a book launch event at Powells on Hawthorne in Portland! Details to come. Bring your friends and family and come celebrate!
Always Right With You
Dear Grandma,
I wish I knew you more before you passed on. I’m not entirely sure how old I was when you died. I think I was 7, but regardless, it was too long ago to remember. I remember my mom driving my sister and I to the hospital when we heard the news. My mom left us in the car in the parking structure to rush to your hospital bed. I was too young to understand what was happening, so I...
Now I can be me
Dear Mom,
I know I’m very young and you aren’t sure if I understand life yet. I don’t want you to worry because, through all the mistakes you and dad made, I have come to understand the important things in life.
You made sure I always had a warm place to sleep and food in my stomach. You weren’t there emotionally sometimes, but I understand why you could barely feel. All...
Step To Freedom
Dear Devon, Love should set you free. After five years of being enslaved by our past, I am ready to find my freedom. Cam, age 19
I Know It Was Love
Dear Lora,
You left today with me wondering when the next time I’ll ever see you again will be. It may be years from now, it may be never. On Wednesday you leave to go to a college halfway across the country, and I have no idea what I’ll do once you’re gone.
We’ve been friends for eight years, but only in the last were we close. You were my best friend at a time when I...
Your Little Girl
Hi Mom,
This is your little girl. The one you loved so much. The one you would give anything for. Here I am. I guess you just forgot where I was.
It’s so sad what happened to you. I saw you last when I was 12 and you were murdered when I was 13. I just wish that while you were alive, you would have been more a part of my life. Maybe tried taking me away from the people you put me...
Your Little Girl
Hi Mom,
This is your little girl. The one you loved so much. The one you would give anything for. Here I am. I guess you just forgot where I was.
It’s so sad what happened to you. I saw you last when I was 12 and you were murdered when I was 13. I just wish that while you were alive, you would have been more a part of my life. Maybe tried taking me away from the people you put me...
Why?
Dear Boy,
Why did you kiss me? Why did you tell me you loved me? Why did you tell me I was beautiful? Why did you know everything about me? Why did you make me feel so special? Why did I give my whole self to you, when you didn’t give yours in return? Why did I let you make me feel so worthless that I cut myself, shut out my friends and lost myself so that you were the only person I could...
Unhappy Birthdays
Dear Grandpa,
I am so lucky to have you as my grandpa because you helped keep Vietnam proud and happy.
The thing that I wanted to say to you is: why did you have to die on the day I was born? The day babies are born is supposed to be the best day of their lives. But the day that I was born was the worst day of my life.
When I turned one the next year, I never smiled, even though it was my...
Still Had Faith In You
Jeff,
If I would have known that it was my last chance to talk to you, here’s what I would have said.
I would have told you that I didn’t stop loving you, even though I had to distance myself from your addiction and your choices.
I would have told you that I wanted my brother back. The brother I used to know, the one that I tried to protect his whole life. The brother that used to be...
Change The World
Dear Dad,
My biggest worry is forgetting you. I forget the way you used to talk, what your thoughts were. What do you think of me now? I’m your little baby, all grown up, without you getting to see.
I’m strong Dad, I fight now; I fight for my right to be heard. I need to be heard - you taught me that. But you can’t hear me, so everything else seems insignificant now. People...
At The Dance
Dear first love,
We met in 9th grade. We dated and I broke up with you. We planned on getting back together at a dance, but when we got there, I realized I just didn’t want to be with you. You met the love of your life that night, and it wasn’t me.
Over the next six years we would become best friends, get back together, I would fall in love with you, we’d split up because you...
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”
– MLK, Jr.
Begging for You, Mom
Dear Mom,
I miss you. A lot. And I know that you don’t know, nor do you care. If you cared, things would be different. But I’m not your little girl anymore, and it hurts me more every time I realize that.
Ever since dad moved back, and I started college, things haven’t been the same. You drink more; you started doing drugs, and you’ve become a lifeless soul in the shell of...
Reach My Conclusion
Dear Bestie,
I love you. I’ve told you thousands of times that I love you. And you’ve told me thousands of times that you love me. I don’t think we mean the same thing. When I say I love you, I mean I really love you. I can’t go an hour without thinking about you. I can’t go a day without talking to you. I can’t go two days without seeing you. You are amazing,...
“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”
– Lily Tomlin
I Remember
My Little Storm,
I thought you were asleep when I found you. I called your name and touched your shoulder but you were already long gone. It wasn’t—and still isn’t—real to me. Your beautiful fur and yellow eyes; I thought you could have moved your head and called back to me. It hurts so much that you left me. I cried for hours. The entire night I felt you in the house and I...
Who I Wanted To Be
Dear You,
You’re gone now and you’ve been gone since last January, but everything you did for me needs to be said somewhere, even if you never read this. I’m sure you weren’t aware of everything you did for me and even though you might have forgotten me by now, somehow I wish you could know how happy I was just to see you everyday. We barely even talked, but you were the...
“Turn your wounds into wisdom.”
– Oprah
How Horrible It Must Have Been
For My Friend,
You opened up enough to share with me something that has haunted you most of your life.
It wasn’t until I walked away and thought how horrible it must have been, how it has affected you and who you are today. You opened my eyes, as in my own life I was experiencing the same situation of being bullied as an adult.
It was you who gave me the strength to confront my bully and I...
Not Just Religion
Daddy,
I wish I could just sit down and talk to you about my faith. I know you’re not an atheist or worship Satan, but you know how much my faith means to me. I feel like every time I try to say something, you turn the other way. I know church isn’t anything significant to you and I know you think it’s a win when you don’t fall asleep during the sermon, but I just want you...
Uh Oh
Friend,
I think I am falling in love with you. This is not good.
Your friend, age 17
For Once
Dear Mom and Dad & family.
At 24 years old, I still don’t know exactly what it is I want to do with my life. You are sending me to school for the very business that has ruined our family. I have to pretend to be happy, and sometimes I am, but mostly when I am away from you. I can never seem to make you happy, I feel like a total failure. Not once have you ever said how proud of me you...
After What You Said
To my daddy,
Daddy, there are so many things that I wish I would’ve had the chance to say to you. I miss you so much, and even now, I can’t believe that you’re gone. There are so many things that I want to ask you and so many things that I can’t believe you did. Sometimes, I feel so guilty because I get so mad at you.Why did you leave us?
Why did you let me see you like that? I saw everything that...
What If's
Dear Elliot,
I wish I’d had it in me four years ago to tell you exactly how I felt about you. I don’t know if it would have made a difference but if I had maybe I wouldn’t still be thinking about you now.
It’s four years since we first met; for the last two of those we haven’t spoken, but I still think about you nearly everyday. The thought of you and all the what...
Prom Day
Dear Grampy,
As a young girl, I always looked forward to my prom day. Seeing all my older cousins attend their proms and then graduation ceremonies, and the look in your eyes as they did, made me enter my graduation week with such excitement. They day before prom, I couldn’t wait to see the look on your face when you saw me all done up, and to hear the two words you always said to me, and to...
A Big Mistake
Dear Boyfriend,
I made a mistake. A big mistake. I was alone for so long. I felt unwanted and unloved, but then you came along. You changed everything for me. You were the first person to love everything about me. You took me as I was and showed me I was beautiful. Ever since you came into my life, you have taught me to love myself. Around you I feel loved. You taught me that my self- conscious...
A Time Machine
Dear Raleigh,
We all miss you, especially Ivan. He’s always had a crush on you, but I think you knew that. I think that’s why you never minded hanging out with someone younger than you, even if Anna and Tabby thought it was lame. Ian cries a lot now, and we do the best we can. He liked you, al ot. Me and Ron would always tease him about it, and joke with you about it, but the truth is,...