February 2012
32 posts
Stages and Parts
Dear Dad,
At this time last year, midterms crested over top of me and all I could do was focus on the fact I would see you over my Spring break. Unfortunately, seeing you so small and helpless when I came home made it really hard to be around you. To see you break open and bleed, covered in tumors, hardly able to take care of yourself some days — well, let’s just say it broke something...
My Mirror
Dear First Love,
Have you ever read the book Eat, Pray, Love? I’d assume you haven’t; you were never the type for girl books, although you weren’t opposed to a chick flick now and again. There’s a quote that the author writes that makes me think of you every time I happen across it:
“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants....
Letter to Myself
To myself,
I have been sick now for six months. Every time I recover, some new symptom seems to consume me. It seems like I’ve entered the hospital E.R. so many times that it’s now my safehaven from disaster. I am medicated and able-bodied, persisting through my work week like a soldier chased by his shadow. Recently, I have gained the beautiful experience of panic attacks which seem to be...
To Reminisce
Dear real grandmother, I never knew you, but I know you loved me. I hope you knew I loved you, too. Yesterday I was with mom and my dad at dinner. Out of the blue, my dad said to mom, “I wish I could’ve met your real mother.” Right there, mom started crying and told us a bunch of stories about you and the seven years of her life that she got to spend with you. She said you seemed...
Never just a horse
Dear Roxie, You always were so much more than a horse to me. And, you would have been ten this year… wow. I can’t believe that! That means this would have been our sixth winter together. Lord, I can’t even believe that. I still remember the day I found out you were mine- my parents hid your picture in a blanket for Christmas. Literally, one of the best things to happen to me,...
Stole my Passion
Evan, Ever since I can remember, you always told me I wasn’t good enough. You always told me you hated me. You always told me I was terrible at anything that made me happy or gave me purpose. That time you told me I couldn’t sing in seconds grade? I haven’t sang since. Remember how you always told me that art was pointless? That I couldn’t make art? That...
Baby on the Way
Dear Grandad, I remember it so clearly, like it was yesterday. You placed your hand on my belly and asked me, “Is there one in there?” and all I could say was, “Sorry, Grandad, but I just don’t know.” That was the last thing you asked me, as the next day you slipped into a coma, forever being taken away. I so wish I knew then what I found out a week later: that there was indeed a little one...
Voice in my Head
Ken,
It’s been exactly two years, three weeks and six days since you died. I want to say that I’ve moved on, but my days are spent going over that last phone call. I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to save you, I’m sorry that I made all the mistakes we promised each other we would never make. I’m sorry that I couldn’t save Jack, either. I just pray that he is with you now, and...
“Scared and sacred are spelled with the same letters. Awful proceeds from the...”
– Alan Cohen
Hopper
To my recently deceased dog Hopper,
I just heard today that you passed away. I cried. Memories of you flood my mind. I remember when my mom and I first got you. I was 10 or 11. Dad had just left us. Mom came into my room and asked, “Wanna go get a dog?” I said yes very excitedly. I remember seeing you at the animal shelter wearing a pink sweater. You were shivering and whimpering. It...
Eleven Years
Dear Dad,
So I guess there’s a lot I need to tell you about. I mean it’s been, what, eleven years? Eleven years since you left our family? Eleven years since Mom had to work all of those late hours? Eleven years since you stopped caring? A lot can happen in eleven years.
Mom, Joseph and I have been doing just fine. She’s a magnificent woman, Mom- raising two kids on her own and...
My Rock
Dear Grandpa,
Wow, soon you would have been gone four years! I miss you a lot. I miss the man you use to be and I miss the strength you gave the family. I just really wanna say sorry. Sorry for how my mom never took care of us. Sorry that you had to be the father in Robert’s and my life. Sorry I couldn’t fix her for you. I know you tried your hardest every day and it killed you to watch your...
I'll Never Give Up
J,
I loved you with everything I was, and I still love you with everything that is left. I never thought the day would come where we did not speak. I no longer really live; I just go through the motions of life void of emotion. I walk around this town like a ghost because it’s where we met, and there isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think of you, and look up the sky wishing you...
More than a Boss
Dear R,
I can’t even begin to let you know how much you mean to me. You saw me, the real me, after only knowing me a few short months. You saw pain in my eyes when I smiled. Some days you pushed for answers, some days you remained quiet, some days you simply tried to make me laugh. You always knew the right thing to do.
You knew about the lies that surrounded my entire life. You offered...
Who I am To You
To the people in my life,
I know I’m not perfect, in fact I know I’m probably a little off, but I try to be the change I want to see in the world. I try to give in all of my relationships, to be someone who is more than just someone to waste time with, to be someone you all can rely on. When you come home from work, I always make a point to stop what I’m doing and ask you about...
New Stage of Grief
Dear Mom,
It is now two years and seven months since you crossed that bridge to the next life. I still miss you and think about you frequently. Little things remind me of you, such as eating at Friendlies and the table being too high for you to sit comfortably. I wear some of your coats and jackets. I’ve lost weight and they now fit me. I feel close to you when I have one on me. You were...
“your love is better than ice cream.”
– s.m.
Here With Me
Spec. C.L.S, I’m writing this because you are currently laying in a bed across the country from me, and I haven’t found the words to tell you how I feel. Three years ago, we met via an add on Craigslist, we went on our first date to Castles and Coasters, and even though I chickened out, we remained friends. Every date and guy since, I’ve thought about you. Last year, you were...
Your Sometimes-Daughter
Dear Dad,
I want you to know that I’m not mad that you were never around. I don’t blame you. You weren’t ready to be a father, and I understand that. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to see how you were with your second wife’s children. I always wanted to fit in at your house…but I never could. I just didn’t belong there.
Still, every time a...
Break Down My Walls
Dear Dan,
I’m afraid of the future. I’m afraid of commitment because I have been hurt by people in this lifetime. As I end my college days, and you still have two years left, and I want nothing more than to wish to be with you. I want to picture us having a home and a place to grow with each other. While every day you tell me I am beautiful, I seem to ignore it and find a way to convince myself...
Bunny Heaven
Dear Fufu,
I wish I knew when you would die, but I did not. Your death was unforgivable and my heart was shattered, and it could not be mended again. I still remember when you were extremely sick and could not be revived. Think of all the fun we would have if you did not die.
I hope you have a wonderful, fantastic life in bunny heaven.
Love, Alex, age 10
Reconnected
Dear boyfriend,
You are asleep downstairs right now. I can’t stand to sleep next to you because of how this week has gone. I am so tired of finding out that you and her are “reconnecting”. This is the third time you have “reconnected” or had her on the side, in the past year. In all reality I should leave you, I should have left you a long time ago. The problem with...
My Last Attempt
Dear Dad,
Do you at least remember my birthday? Or does your new wife have to remind you? Do you remember my middle name? Probably not. I’ll never forget yours.
At my prom, when it was time for the father daughter dance, I wanted to get it over with. In ten years from now, at my wedding, I’ll be walking down the aisle and you won’t be the one walking next to me. It kills me to...
The Horror
Dear Tim,
I’m sorry for not going to the movies and watching horror films with you. You’re my boyfriend so I should feel safe with you. But that is not the problem. Neither are the demons or the scary voices that you jokingly think it’s about. When I was twelve years old, I held my older brother as he took his last breath. I looked into his eyes until they became nothing. His body was...
Lost Love
Dear boy at the hockey match,
I know this sounds stupid, and completely desperate, but I have thought about you nearly every day since October 2011. We said maybe two or three words to each other, and that was it. But I just feel that you are my soulmate. This makes me sound pathetic but I don’t care. I would give anything to be able to go back to that day. To just find out your name. I have...
Made the Man I Love
Dear Gail,
I would like to start off by saying thank you. Thank you for making the man I love. I know you didn’t mean to leave this earth so early and leave behind your two babies, but I also know that the experiences he’s had in his life have made him into the man I love and am going to marry in five months.
I so wish that you and I could have met and known each other, and that I...
3 tags
Thanks, G
Dear Grandma,
I have been thinking lately about all the wonderful things you do and did for me, and everyone else. You where the strong one when my mom died; you took me in to let me live with you. You always make sure I get what I want. You have never given up on me, even when I was slipping up in school, when I just didn’t care.
Then I was thinking about what I do for you. It saddened me when I...
5 tags
Strength of a Sister
Dear my older sister,
I know it has been years since our mother has hurt you in so many ways, but it still gets to me about how brave you were and how sacred I was. You were always there for me and our brother. You would put us to sleep and tuck us in while mom was in school and dad was working, reading me a story and snuggling me until I was dreaming peacefully. That never lasted long,...
Your Flame
Kris,
You’re the last thing I think about at night, and the first thing every morning, and every minute in-between. You are an incredible person, so determined and driven, good hearted, and such a beautiful soul. There’s not a day I don’t miss you, and there will never be a day that I’ll stop loving you. You were supposed to be mine, we were supposed to be each...
Are You Proud Of Me?
Dear Dad,
It has been five years now and I still look for you when I come home to visit. We all miss you; I can hear it in Mom’s voice when I talk to her on the phone.
Sometimes I think she has been crying and just won’t admit it. I am living my life for you, to make you proud. Every choice I make is first considered “What would Dad have to say about this?” When you were here, I could ask you and...
“If you want to change the world, pick up your pen and write.”
– Martin Luther
A Sister Left Behind
To my brother,
In my head, I understand the reasons why you did what you did. I have been there many times myself. Parts of me admire the fact that you had the guts to do it, but then I get so sad that you felt that was the only option you had. Why didn’t you just pass out? I know you have a million times before.
I wish you would have told me goodbye. You told other people (in your...