Dear Anna,

From your experience of reading books and articles and watching television, most people look at suicide and believe it is an act of selfishness. Sending this letter to you is one of your realizations. You refused to go to any kind of therapy because you thought you didn’t need it. You’re so young. You don’t understand that you have your whole life. You have over 70 years left of your life, and that doesn’t mean anything to you? You’re stupid. You’re stupid for thinking that nobody loved you. You’re stupid for thinking that it would be better for your family. You’re stupid for rejecting therapy. You’re stupid for not telling anyone. I’m sending this to explain to myself (you) how that would impact the things you leave behind…

Your mother and father. How could they live? After everything both of them have done for you. After all the work and money and love they gave to you. They built you to be a fine young woman who received more love than she deserved. Imagine how they would react. Imagine how they would cry for you. No matter how much you hurt and how much you hate, I know that you’re heart isn’t dark. I know that because I’m you. You love your family so much more than you could understand. Seeing your parents hurt like that is more than you would ever know.

Your sister and brother. How could Ellen move on? You’re her younger sister. She would have guilt on her shoulders forever. You know how she gets. She would never forgive herself even though she had no power over anything. She would feel as if it was all her fault. And Evan, what would he do with himself? He waits forever for you to come home from boarding school, just to hug you and hang out with you. And what about Adam? You know he loves you. You know it. Even though everything that has happened, he still loves you. That should be enough. I don’t need to get into the details of his hurt that he would possess if anything happened to you. His time at Hill would never be the same. He wouldn’t be able to move on.

Which brings me to another point. Your future. You go to a private boarding school that famous people’s children went to. How can you be unhappy some people would ask? You’re selfish. You take things for granted, it’s true. You don’t understand what you have going for you. Your future is so bright. YOU are so bright. Take a look back on what you have. Look at who you have and then ask yourself, “Why would I want to end this all? Why would I want to leave my family, my friends, and my future here?” Every time you get into your feelings and cut deeper into your thoughts, stop. Stop crying, and think about your family. Read this letter that I wrote to you- myself.

Listen to yourself and your family. Go to therapy. You won’t believe how much it helps. Know that people love you. People who barely know you love you. Do it for Ryan. He wouldn’t understand. You have never seen him cry before, and you don’t want the first time to be because of you. He is getting worse and worse with his Down Syndrome and his new diseases, and he needs you to be here. Don’t leave everyone behind clueless. Stay here. You love them, and they love you.

Thanks,
You/Anna , age 15