Dear Mom,

I know I’m very young and you aren’t sure if I understand life yet. I don’t want you to worry because, through all the mistakes you and dad made, I have come to understand the important things in life.

You made sure I always had a warm place to sleep and food in my stomach. You weren’t there emotionally sometimes, but I understand why you could barely feel. All the things dad put you through were bad. I went through a lot of the same things while you were at work. He tore me down with his words and sometimes I got hit, too. He was never a real father. He needed me much more than I needed him. All the while, you did your best to provide for me. I thank you so much for all of that. My life wasn’t the easiest, but I don’t blame you or even dad. I am okay with it. Without all of that I never would have become the girl that stands in front of you everyday.

I admit I have abandonment issues because of everyone leaving, but I realize there was always one person who stayed. My best friend of 8 years was there for me through everything. Without her, I would be dead. Many times I thought about suicide, but I knew that was giving up. You know I’m stubborn. I never give up.

I know it pains you that I chose to move out. I was holding you back. Your boyfriend lives in another state and I just can’t move in the middle of high school. This is where my life has always been. I know he makes you happy in ways a daughter can’t. So even though it hurts, it’s okay to go. You tried your hardest to be the best mom you could be. Your intentions were good. You didn’t go about things the right way, but what’s done is done. My sister is suited to take care of me.

Since I moved here two months ago, I have been so much happier. I have good grades. I’m stress free and I am being to love myself again. I know I am nowhere near perfect, but I love that. I’m different and unpredictable. I love you with all my heart and only hope you happiness. I forgive you for everything. I want you to know I sleep better now. I remember my dreams when I wake up. They are always happy. I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore. (Well I did once, but a boy broke my heart.) I haven’t thought about killing myself in awhile. I believe I am beautiful and worth something. 

I will never give up on my dreams because I saw what that did to you. I will not move quickly with a guy and will make the right decision the first time. Everything I have been through has made me a better person. I hope you’re proud of me. I’m sorry for all of the terrible things I have said and done to you. I’ll make up for it someday. Just remember, while your gone, to miss me. Call sometimes. I still write poetry, if you were wondering. Maybe someday I’ll get it published like you want me to. For right now, I’m going to go live life as a teenager while I still can. I’m going to stay up late with friends, have long talks with boys who will be forgotten in a couple of years, but I will stay safe. I will be the daughter you always wanted even though I wasn’t her when I was with you. I’m sorry.

With all my love,

Your baby girl, age 15