Dear Dan, 

I’m afraid of the future. I’m afraid of commitment because I have been hurt by people in this lifetime. As I end my college days, and you still have two years left, and I want nothing more than to wish to be with you. I want to picture us having a home and a place to grow with each other. While every day you tell me I am beautiful, I seem to ignore it and find a way to convince myself you are wrong. I never have had self esteem for myself and I do try and change it. But you don’t, either. Together we make a somewhat dysfunctional couple.

The day you finally told me that you loved me, I was speechless. It had been nine months since I had seen you last. Every day we spoke and I missed you more and more. Now that I have you back, that I can hold you in my arms, things seem brighter. As quirky and weird as you are, fascinated with zombies, taking walks in the woods with me, being outgoing and making friends everywhere, at times I envy you. You are the crazy to my shyness. Some days I feel like just by being around you, I am slowly growing more and more to be someone that I can love.

You make me scared, shy, happy, and every now and then I get the butterflies. But slowly I am finding myself able to grasp the thought of loving you for more than a few months like a crazy college kid, and wanting to love you like a joyous couple. I never wanted to ever get married, or have kids, or settle down, or open my heart to someone. The fear of failure and pain as always haunted me. But you have changed me.

Every day I tell myself that I can’t allow myself to be afraid. I want you to take a jackhammer to this cement wall, break down every fear I have had, and drag me down an isle and make me yours. Someday I want to be yours, and for you to be mine, and to make a life with you. If the gravel gets rough on the way there, we can put on the all terrain tires and get down the path.

I love you for everything you are, and for everything you have done for me even though you don’t even know you have done it. I hope we can make it through everything and anything. Please never give up faith in me, and I promise to do the same for you.

Love through the starry nights and zombie fights,

Snuffiluff, age 20