Dear Dad,

I want you to know that I’m not mad that you were never around. I don’t blame you. You weren’t ready to be a father, and I understand that. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt to see how you were with your second wife’s children. I always wanted to fit in at your house…but I never could. I just didn’t belong there.

Still, every time a friend of yours would meet me and say that they didn’t know you had another daughter, it hurt. And I just wish that I could have been a bigger part of your life. I think you’d like me if you get to know me, or at least be proud of me. I’ve made straight A’s throughout my high school career, I never got a detention, and I spent my summer’s doing volunteer work. I want to think that you’d like that.

I bet you don’t think about me everyday, but I can’t help but think of you. I have your eyes, I’m tall like you, and I have the same weird sense of humor. I see so much of you in me. I remember once when I was about seven and I was visiting you, I spent a whole day trying to walk just like you did. I’d heard other people point out certain things that other kids did that their dads did, too, and I wanted to have one of those. 

It wasn’t fair what you did to me. I was your sometimes-daughter, and it killed me. I don’t know how many nights I cried over you. I always wanted you to miss me as much as I missed you. I was your oldest daughter, and I thought that should mean something. 

I do want you to know that I’ve always loved you and that I always will. But you should also know that I don’t pretend that you were a good father to me, or even that you were the best you could be. I’m not sure if you ever realized that, but I’ve forgiven you. 

I wish you didn’t drink. I wish that I would have had more chances to call you “Daddy”. I wish that I could have really known who my father was. And I wish that you would have loved me, instead of thinking of me as a mistake. 

Your daughter,

Alex, age 16