Dear Hannah,

It was all my fault that we broke up. I hadn’t a clue what I had when I had you and I actually feel regret with letting you go. I took you for granted and gave you up as selfishly as everything else in my life. I think about you everyday and realize that I was so damn happy with you and I haven’t come close to that ever since. The times we had together were so beautiful and perfect. The memories of you haunt my dreams and sometimes I’ll dream we are still together and awake to be disappointed the rest of the day. I’ve thought many times to tell you all of this, but I feel like you might have moved on for good and have none of these feelings for me because it was my selfishness that brought things to an end. I wish I could have us back so badly.

I still remember the littlest thing about you, like your birthday and favorite color and the smell of your hair. I miss every single thing about you, even the things that would piss me off. I would give anything to go back and tell myself to not take you for granted and to care and love you even more. I also realize that you were ahead of me by many years even though we were born only a few months apart. You saw things that I am just now realizing about life, and many of them I realize because of you and how you treated me. I wish I had been on par with your feelings and your emotions, but I guess it was not meant to be. Maybe someday we will meet again and be closer in life than we were, and everything will be alright. Remember when I asked you to marry me? Sometimes I wish we were still holding to that engagement. You were my first and only love. I miss you, Cheebs.

Yours,
Christiaan, age 19