Dear Brown Bear,

Do you remember when we came up with that nickname? I tried calling you my teddy bear, but you would not settle. “No, call me Brown Bear.” I was never able to call you mine, but I felt in my heart you were. When I met you it was like fate had brought us together, or just a crappy job. I had just turned 17 and I was getting my first job. I was nervous around you, and so shy. I always could feel your eyes on me, just watching. When you asked for my number then a few weeks later and "accidentally” called me babe, I knew I was going to fall head over heels for you. I did. I still am. 

I still remember all our memories, and often enough they keep me up at night. Throughout my senior year, a huge portion of my favorite memories were with you. I remember the laughter, the kisses, the hugs, and the joy we had being together. But you were so much older than me. When I finally had the courage to tell my stepmom about you, I was so happy she approved. I felt like the time spent with you was the happiest of my life, and they still are.

You had this way of making me smile just with a look. Do you remember when I stayed at work late knowing you were coming in? I looked forward to coming to work because I knew you would be there, even if just for an hour more. Every time you came in the backroom you were singing, or would tell me “no llores” or “boo boo da foo”. That will always be my favorite name. 

Even though we fell apart quickly, I still care about you and love you. I should have told you how I felt about you. Maybe than things would be different now. Maybe I would still be happy. I think about you often, I pray for you, and I hope the best for you in life. I still feel in my heart you are one of the best people to ever appear in my life, just for a year, and made me fall in love. You are my first true love, and to this day I wish I would have had the courage to tell you this.

I know deep down, whoever gets to call you theirs is truly a lucky woman. You are one of the few respectful, kind, loving, happy, caring, lovable gentleman out there. I am so blessed to have been able to call you mine, even for so short of a period. I wish I would have been able to keep you longer, but life took us down different paths.

There are only a few things I regret. One, that I never truly told you how I felt. Two, when I didn’t go fishing with you and when I didn’t go to the party. I look back now, and realize that you were truly reaching out to me. You wanted me there with you to share an experience, together. This is something I get to live with for the rest of my life. Three, how everything ended. When we saw each other, we wouldn’t look each other in the eye. We couldn’t even acknowledge the others existence. I think this is what kills me the most. I miss you and I wish we were still friends. I miss talking to you. I miss seeing you. I miss being the reason there is a smile on your face. I miss waking you up in the morning with a kiss.

If ever a time comes in your life when you need someone, I want you to know I will ALWAYS be here for you. No matter what. You changed my life, you helped me grow up, and you made me happy again. I hope I made an impact on you. I hope when you grow older and have children, you will tell them about me. I think the hardest thing was letting you go, but now I realize the hard part was not wanting to let you go. Writing this letter comes in close second to that, and third will be pushing the Send button once I finish.

I just want you to know when you’re feeling down, there is always someone who cares about you. You are in my thoughts and in my prayers. Everything you gave me on Valentine’s Day, I still have and cherish. The teddy bear will always be near; it’s my security blanket since you aren’t around anymore. I don’t think I will ever get rid of it, because I will lose another piece of you. It will be tattered and torn with stuffing coming out of it before I will be able to let go of it, and of you.

Love,

Boo boo da foo, age 18