Dear Emma,

I wish that we could have had five minutes together while you were alive. I would have loved to see your eyes open and for you know what I look like. I would have loved to talk to you, to hear you cry, to hear you scream. I would have loved to watch you look around that hospital room; that would be the only surroundings that you would ever know on this beautiful earth. I don’t understand why God took you home before you had a chance here on earth.

I would have loved for us to have a life together. I know that it would have been a good one. Can I tell you a little about it? I think that it would have been filled with laughter. I think that it would have been filled with fun. I think that we would have been really close.

I would have told you every day that I love you, in fact I still do, and I hope that you can hear me. I would have definitely embarrassed you in front of your friends, because I wouldn’t have cared whether or not they heard. I think sometimes I would have yelled it out to you as you left the car and were at school in front of your friends. I think that I would have laughed and laughed as I drove away. Not laughing at you because you were embarrassed—ok, alright, yes I would have. I think I am that kind of mom. Makes me laugh just writing about it!

I would have saved up for us to go to Disneyland. I have never been, and would have loved for the two of us to experience it together. I think we would have raced to all of the rides and raced to get hugs and pictures of all of the characters that wander around that area.

I would have told you about your dad, even though he walked away from us. I would have never talked bad about him. I would have told you of the good times that we had together. I would have accepted your decision to try and get in touch with him and would have been there for you, no matter what his response would have been.

I would have made you do your homework. School is important and I would have wanted you to do well.

When I think of you, I think of a little mini-me. A little girl who loves life, who is adventurous, who loves life, who is just fun to be around and of course is super cool. I think that all of my friends would have loved you.

But you are not here, and every day I miss you. I send you balloons as often as I can, some for special occasions and some just because I miss you. You are much loved and much missed.

I hope that you know how much I love you. I hope that you look down on me from heaven and see me. I am so blessed to have you in my life. I am such a lucky mom. I love you, my dear sweet Emma.

Love,

your mom, age 34