Dear Michael,

You’re the first guy I ever fell in love with, and I’m afraid I haven’t fallen out of it. Not since that night you first sat with me. Not since you first protected me. Not since we first were angry. Not since we first hurt the other. Not since we hugged, crying apologetically. Not since you inspire more emotion, sincerity, honesty, and openness in me than any other person I’ve ever met. Not since you’re the person I’m most scared to lose. Not even since you fell in love with my best friend, and she with you.

Maybe, if I had confessed over a year ago, things would be different. Maybe I wouldn’t be in love with my best friend’s boyfriend. But maybe, I was meant to never tell you. Maybe this is why I’ll always wonder ‘what if’ with you; to learn that looking back on an ‘oh well’ is a hell of a lot easier than reflecting on a ‘what if’, so that I never miss another one. I guess the future is going to have to finish up this lesson for me.

I regret hiding the truth from you, and from her. But I don’t regret the friendship. You’ve helped me grow and change, learn and see so much. I love you, Michael, in more ways than one. I want you to be happy, find peace, and express yourself. Never settle for less than you deserve, and never lose who you are. In everything you do, find happiness, find love, and find hope. And know that, no matter what happens, a part of me will always belong to you; I could never forget your friendship. You’ll always have my wish.

With love,

Kayleen, age 17