Dear G,

When you passed away, I felt like the floor was ripped out from beneath me. It was so unexpected. I knew you were struggling but never in a million years did I think things were so bad that you would take your own life.

Most people were angry but I never really was. I knew you; you are good and unselfish to the core so I knew that you didn’t do this to hurt us. I just wish I knew why. What happened that day that you decided you could take no more? Why didn’t you call anyone? Did you think about us in the hours or minutes before you made your decision? It boggles my mind that you could take your life via such a violent acts as you were such a peaceful person.

So I have no anger, but I have tons of regret.

I wish I came back to visit more often after moving so far away from you.

I want to say that I am sorry that I couldn’t help you the way you have helped me all these years. I am sorry that I wasn’t there for you the way you were there for me. Forgive me. I am trying hard to forgive myself because I know that’s what you would want.

I am almost 30 now and in those 30 years I haven’t encountered anyone who was as good to me as you were. So THANK YOU. I wish I had told you that. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I love you very very much and I miss you terribly. It’s coming up on four years and not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. I think that even when I am old and gray with grandkids, I will continue to think of you.

If there is a heaven, I know you are there and I pray you have found the peace and happiness that eluded you in your last years.

Love,

BL, age 30