Dear Ashleigh,

It has been three years now that you have not lived with me. I wake up every morning and go to bed every night crying because you are not there and it is because of me and what I did. I never thought that I would fall into such a deep place in the world after having a beautiful daughter like you. I waited for God to send you to me for 15 years of trying. You were a big surprise and you still amaze me to this day.

I am allowed to see you for five hours a week per the court and it is supervised by your father. It is something I look forward to all week long. I think of you all day and get so excited when I can talk to you on the phone at night, even when you say you want to watch Hannah Montana instead. You are only 5 years old so I try to understand. I am not the same person I was 3 years ago when they took you away. I am torn apart because I do not have you with me. I am so sorry that it cannot be the way it was before.

One day soon you will be able to come stay with me and I cannot wait for that time we can spend together. I hope as you grow older you will realize that people, including your mother, make mistakes. Please do not listen to the horrible things your father and your grandparents say about me.

I love you with all of my heart and I hope you can feel that when we are together. You are truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you.

Mom, age 41