Dearest Niece,

I did something years ago that I wish I could have taken back. I think it altered our relationship forever. I feel so incredibly guilty but even more so because I have never brought it up to you. It may not have had the effect that I now think it did, but it does lay heavily on my mind. 

When you were in high school, you came home for the holidays and I was visiting your family. You and I were in my car going to McDonalds for some food. We were having a discussion about relationships and got on the topic of why I was not married. I think I said something about how I just haven’t found the right man yet. Then you asked me what I later think was a really important question and I don’t think I handled it well. You asked me if maybe I just wasn’t into men (or something like that). I am very proud of myself that I didn’t act appalled or angry. But I did say something to the effect that “no, I was very much into men and that is what makes it so hard — there are so few of them.”

What I should have done rather than answer in that way was to ask you why you were asking, asked you if you were into men, asked you SOMETHING as a follow-up because I think you were on the brink of coming out to me and I effectively shot you down. I have this notion that you were looking for a Lesbian mentor and, not finding it in me, it weakened our relationship. I should have made it safe for you to come out to me. Instead, I think I made it more difficult.

It took four more years before you came out to the family and me. You and I became more distant, which in part I assign to you being a college student, but I know that night I did something to alter our relationship forever.

I am sorry and I hope that this letter helps to mend some fences.

Your aunt, age 55