Dear Adam,

It was very apparent to everyone around us that we had a special kinda love. Something that made me whole. Knowing you would always be there to be my protector, always made me feel like I could conquer the world with no regret. We always told each other “I love you” and you always made me feel so special, so beautiful. I knew you would drop everything to pull me up from my own mess.

And yes, Adam, I knew you were hurting inside. Your eyes were not the same after you came back from the “sand box” but I went with it. I was just so happy to have my Adam back. I let go of the fact that you had a drinking problem. I feel so selfish keeping you that way, drinking with you.

I still do wonder if you are happy with God, if you are safe in God’s arms and with your mother. Adam, I cry every night for a sign from you just to know you are okay. I am pissed that I will never hear your laugh again or see you do that funny dance you do when you like a song. Everyone looks at me like that poor sad girl now, I hate that. I hate that I cry every night. You looked so purple and cold. I am so sorry I didn’t stay, I just couldn’t handle the fact that you were lifeless in a box.

You were my best friend. Thank you for never judging me or my lifestyle, even when it was at it’s worst. I know you were a once in a lifetime friend. I hope you didn’t feel anything, and the hands of God touched you the moment you were ejected from your car. My life will never be the same without you. I always loved you. 

E, age 32