Hello my son,

I know that you’re listening to me, and I know that you’re watching and that you understand what I’m writing to you. Look son, maybe this seems a little absurd, but I always wanted to talk to you. So many of these nights, you are here in my dreams. I see your face, your brilliant, gorgeous little eyes, and your beautiful little body that now is just four years old. I know that when you’re in my dreams, it’s because you understand this pain that I carry inside myself, this suffering, this anguish for no longer having you in my arms. For not seeing you grow up, for not being able to hug you and tell you that I love you with all my heart.

Your mom was always such a beautiful woman, and I loved her with all the forces of my heart. But when you were inside her tummy, she made a mistake. She made the biggest mistake that a mom could make. She began to drink alcohol and use drugs, and I wasn’t there to stop her. It’s because of this that God decided to take you up with him to heaven, and your mom not only lost you but lost me, too. She killed the love that I felt for her because I, son, was so happy we were going to have a baby boy.

I only ask you one thing, son. I ask you to not leave me in these moments in which I need you the most. Stay in my dreams, in these dreams of continuing to fight for life and someday being able to be free. In my mind and in my dreams, you’re always there. I ask you, my son, don’t ever abandon me; keep being in my dreams, my baby boy.

XOXO

Jose, age 26