Zander,

Sometimes I forget our memories because it hurts me to wish you were here still. And then randomly and all at once, they flood in. I feel like we’ve already lived a whole life together before this one, and it’s no coincidence that we found our way back to each other. I wish you were here tonight to lay in the Tball field and look at the stars. I want to slow dance in your room. Promise to teach me to ballroom dance over and over again because I will never remember and I will promise to always step on your toes with my two left feet. Let’s sleep on the beach all summer and get so sunburnt that we can’t move. Let’s pretend we aren’t sure where were going to dinner, even though we know we’re going to In ‘n Out. I want to race you to see who can get their card out fast enough pay the bill. I want to make playlists of Bon Iver and take naps on your tiny bed, only this time I don’t want Kyle to come wake us up because he misses you.

Nobody will ever understand how much I’ve missed you, so I think I deserve a few uninterrupted sleeps with you. Promise to tickle me again, even though I hate to be tickled, and I promise I will tickle you back until you laugh loud and deep, with a slight hint of panic. Promise to be the drummer in my rock band, and I promise to lay the guitar on my lap like a dork. I want to watch you shoot bunnies in the yard, and I will always carry them to Siyah so you don’t have to. I want to Skype with you and make funny faces. I want to read scriptures with you on Skype when we can’t be together to read them on your bed. I want to bowl with you, but you have to promise to make a big deal and run to hug me and spin me around when I get strikes, and maybe even when I get gutter balls, and I promise to always let it surprise me.

Promise that you’ll bite my nose and kiss my forehead, and I promise to push your nose up with mine, until you say “Oink”. I want to see your eyes turn green in the sunshine, and I want to see them turn brown when you’re teaching me to dance in the street at night. Play handball, and swing with me and kiss me on the playground. I want to kiss you even when you’re sick, and sleep with you on the trampoline even in the summer when were sweaty and gross. Promise to make me CDs with love songs, and I promise I will learn all the words and sing along. I promise to watch old movies with you and maybe fall asleep, if you’ll promise to wake me up during your favorite parts. I want to watch the Labyrinth with you 1,000 times and annoy you when I recite all the lines to you. I want to burp loud and have sunflower seed spitting contests with you. I want to wear your suit jacket at church when I’m cold, and even sometimes when I’m not. Promise me you will always tickle my knees in church, just so you can touch me. And I promise I will never stop you.

I want to listen to your heart beat, and feel it up against mine own when you tell me you love me. Promise to accidentally hurt my feelings when you’re being too honest and I promise to annoy you when I’m not honest enough. Promise that you will always push me to be better, and I promise to help you appreciate the tender mercies that are all around. But above all, let’s promise to have faith in our Lord, because he is our only chance at all of those things. The best is yet to come. I can’t mail this to you, it wouldn’t be fair, so instead I’ll save it until you’re home and I will read it to you.

Yours,
Nanners, age 19