My little sunflower seed,

Losing you was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. I have been wanting to be a Mom as long as I can remember. When we found out I was pregnant, we couldn’t believe it was actually happening! Your Daddy and I were so happy and excited and right away started to think about what you would be like. When I started reading some things about pregnancy, I found out that at that time you were the size of a sunflower seed. For some reason, we started referring to you as our little sunflower seed. While it was silly, the nickname stuck.

Sadly only a couple of weeks later, the worst thing that could have happened did. We lost you. Although you may have not been a part of me for very long, I still loved you just as much as if I had carried you for 9 months. The whole experience of having a miscarriage was terrible. It was a constant, physical reminder that you were no longer with us. I was just so incredibly sad and felt like my body had let me down. The doctors were so medical about it all. Telling me things like: “This happens 1 in 5 pregnancies”, “It was your body’s way of knowing something was wrong” and “Hopefully next time you will come out on the other side of things”. I don’t care how often this happens; it doesn’t make me miss you any less. 

Although I am hopeful that someday I will be a Mom, there will never be another first. You were my first pregnancy and will always be my first baby. I would have given you the world and loved you more than anything. I hope you know that I would give everything to still have you growing inside me. “If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.”

Love you forever and not a day less,
Mommy, age 28