Dear Grandpa,

I just wanted to let you know I think of you everyday. And I miss you. I always wonder how things would be if you were still around. I wonder if Grandma would be healthier today if you were here to keep her on track. If you would have liked all the boyfriends that all the girls have had. Most of them have all stuck around. I wonder who your favorite would have been.

I wish you still grew asparagus. They are my favorite vegetable because of you and I request them with every meal. I also miss all the pretty flowers you grew. Lillies are my favorite; same with Jessi. Mom likes them too, but her favorite are orchids. You would love the room she has now in the house. She turned the porch into a plant room. It’s full of orchids.

I’m sorry you took your own life because you were unhappy. And I hate how you took it, too. I am reminded of how you took your life all the time. Anytime people get annoyed, mad, or stressed they think it’s funny to act like they are blowing their brains out. They motion it with their hand in a gun shape. It’s so rude and stupid. I hate how they don’t know why it bothers me and how they think it s funny. No one should joke about that. And you shouldn’t have had to do that.

I hope you found everyone in heaven, especially Chip. I never knew him but I know how much you missed him, just from what everyone would tell me. I hope Sugar is your pet in heaven. We had to put her to sleep the same year you died. It was a hard year. But hopefully she keeps you company. Maybe you feed her biscuits in milk; that’s what you always had for breakfast.

I got a tattoo for you when I turned 18. It is a bird’s wing and says “Grandpa” in it. It didn’t turn out how I wanted it to, at all. But I still like it. People don’t get it and sometimes make a weird face when they see it, but it’s just something personal. I thought of you when I got it done because when it stung, I pictured your arms and how you had tattoos, too. I thought that if you could bare the pain then I could, too. I probably wouldn’t have done the tattoo if you didn’t have any. But I figured you wouldn’t be mad that I got one, cause that would be hypocritical. Right?

The other day I almost ran a red light because I wasn’t paying attention, but my car stopped and wouldn’t let me go any further into the intersection. It was a bizarre feeling because it was such a gentle stop. I knew it wasn’t a problem with my car, and I just wanted to say thank you, because I know it was you watching over me.

I love you and miss you very much. Mom talks about how she misses you all the time. And grandma always tells me stories of you and her when you were young. You were both very in love and I can see how she lights up when she tells her stories. She s very strong and you would be proud.

I hope to see you on heaven when my day comes. I m looking forward to it. Don’t miss out on my life until then. I graduate next month and am sure you’ll be there to watch. I will always be your little mouse, and I still sign every card to Grandma with a mouse.

Love,
Mouse, age 18