Grandma,

I made a promise to myself last summer to see you as often as I could because, well to be honest, you were my favorite person to talk to. We would tell each other how messed up the world was and how we would make a change. We’d stay up late watching old TV shows and talking about the old times you had with Grandpa. I always dreamed of having a love like yours. I couldn’t wait for the semester to be over so we could spend a lot of time together, but once it ended, I started to pick up more hours at work. I should’ve just said no to work in the beginning.

One morning in early June, I had got a text from Rachael saying that you weren’t doing good, and that I had better come visit you at your house because Donna and Tim would be taking you to the hospital. I knew that you had a little stomach bug earlier that week, because I was supposed to come spend the night with you but you told me you weren’t feeling good. In my head, I felt it was nothing serious and that we would get our sleepover soon. But in reality, when I went to your house, I lost it. You weren’t yourself. You were just skin and bones, you couldn’t walk or go to the bathroom by yourself and you weren’t conscious of people surrounding you. I didn’t understand what happened and I don’t think you knew either.

You should’ve seen Mom; it tore her apart that she wasn’t in the state when you were in the hospital. She loved you and respected you so much. It ripped apart my heart seeing her so upset. When I would visit you in the ICU, I tried spending as much time as I could with you because at that time, I wasn’t sure how much time I would get. The doctors weren’t even sure if you were going to make it throughout your first night because your body was rejecting the liquids being put into it. Somehow, in my heart, I knew you were one to fight and you’d make it. You were the strongest woman I knew and Mom definitely takes after you and Grandpa a lot.

I made a hard decision during your last week. I had to decide if I wanted to go to Florida to spend time with T.J. and his family and see you a week and a half afterwards, or to stay with you. I wanted to go to Florida to take a nice break from everything going on, but I knew that I would hate myself more if I would’ve gone and something were to happen to you so I chose to stay by your side. I realized that I never appreciated everything that you’ve done for me and the rest of the family as much as I should have and it hurts me still. When I got word that you had a double hernia and made it through surgery, I gained hope in that you’d recover, but then things got worse. When you had the massive heart attack, I knew that it wouldn’t be long until you were gone from this world and I couldn’t wrap my head around it. The doctors brought you back to life twice and by that time, I just wanted you to rest easy because in my heart I knew you couldn’t fight this battle forever; the odds were against you, unfortunately.

When you passed, part of me had a hard time accepting it but felt relieved that you were in Grandpa’s arms now, that you were safe, but I just needed a sign. The night that you passed, after we all got home from the hospital, Barb sent us a picture of this rain shadow that was in the form of a heart and I knew it was you letting me know you were with Grandpa and that you were okay and safe.

Honestly, I still find myself crying a lot at night wishing that I could come to your house and tell you about my good grades and about how my music is going. I didn’t even get to tell you the amazing opportunities I got this summer with my music. But I wrote a song about losing you and how I wish that I could’ve had you stay. When I played it at the biggest show of my life, I felt you there, smiling down on me and the sun came shining down and I knew you were there. Thank you for watching over me and keeping me safe. And even though you won’t be there physically for a lot of special moments, you will ALWAYS be in my heart.

All my love,
Megan, age 21