Dear Emily, 

When we first me you were only 16 and I was 19. I would flirt with you all the time, although I’m not sure if you noticed or not. I knew that it wasn’t ok for us to be together as I was in college and you were still in high school, but I still had feelings for you and would think about you all the time. Then when you came to the same college as me I was incredibly happy, but at the same time, I didn’t want to start a relationship when I was graduating only three months later. So instead of hanging out with you, I allowed you to go your own way during the brief time that we were reunited. Now that you are 20 and I am 23, I wish I would have said something to you sooner, or even that I could have the courage to say something to you now.

I know that we want different things out of life, but I would give all of those things up in order to be with you. You are the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, sexy, and wonderful woman I have ever met, and instead of taking a chance and risking it all, I’ve been to afraid of being rejected. All I have had the last four years are hopes and dreams that somehow we would be brought together, but instead of making that connection happen, I’ve been clinging to those feelings out of a fear of losing that hope forever.

My desire to be with you is now being pitted against my dreams about us being together, and I don’t know if I have the courage to risk my hope for the real thing. I wish that I would have told you everything the moment that you turned 18. Every year for your birthday I planned on confessing and giving you a bouquet of your favorite flowers: white daisies. Instead, with each passing birthday I get less and less likely to express my love towards you, silently telling myself that you aren’t interested and will be better off without me; that it could have been beautiful, but we just weren’t meant to be together.

You are the piece missing in my life,
John, age 23