Dear Mr,

I was once in love with you. It’s been such a long time… I still remember how happy you made me feel. I always looked forward to your classes, even though we didn’t talk much and I never had the chance to get to know you better. I felt instantly attracted to you, the fact that you were at least 17 years older than me didn’t matter at all. I loved you as much as a teenager’s heart can love someone.

It’s crazy how much I still miss you. I know you don’t feel the same way, I know I won’t see you again, but I think at least you deserve to know that somebody was once madly in love with you.

That’s all. Take care.

Always yours,

Once a student, age 18

E,

No matter what your friends have told you or led you to believe, my love for you is neither a mid-life crisis or an infatuation.

I love you!

It’s been over a thousand days, and I still miss you.

I’ve tried dating other women, but I just can’t get you out of my head and my heart.

If you ever come to realize how much I love you, then the door is open and I’d would be happy to try again.

Otherwise, I foresee myself living the rest of my days alone until they play the old George Jones song titled “He Stopped Loving Her Today” at my wake.

A, age 58

Dearest Halbes,

It’s New Year’s Day. Last night, my thoughts were going around and around in my head always coming back to you. I kept wondering if I should send you a message or if that would offend you. I don’t even know if you want to hear from me or if you’re glad to be rid of my drama. So I am sending this out into the universe hoping you can sense how much you mean to me, how much I hope that life holds only happiness in store for you and how much I miss our friendship.

I can’t listen easily to our favourite songs. It weighs down my heart so much. I often talk about the things you used to say and do and suddenly realize that I’m stuck in the past. Stuck, stuck, stuck. Walking across the Christmas markets this year I kept looking for a sun and moon feng shui light catcher like the one I broke years ago that your mom had given you. I so wanted to find one hoping I could send it to you and you’d realize all those things I can’t say. That I love you. That I never could forget the things that matter to you. That I’m helplessly stuck in my own maze of disconnectedness and that nothing of what I feel is your fault.

Soon it will be Marie’s first birthday and I hate not being in her life and yours, but it hurts so much. Knowing I will probably never have children of my own throws me. Everytime I see n pregnant woman, everytime my niece wants to play pretend that I’m her mom, pretty much all the time. I don’t know when I went from being ordinarily overwhelmed by the shit life throws at us to fighting for my life for the sake of the people I love and care about so much that they are the sole reason I’m holding on. You are one of those and I hope that I’ll win this fight and that I’ll have the chance to show you that I never left you behind and always held you close to my heart. I really hope that some part of you - despite time and distance - reserves a spot for me in your life until I am ready again to join the ‘living’.

Because I do love you.

Your clinically depressed ex-roomy and best friend,
Halbes, age 32

Dear Auntie,

Just recently the anniversary of your passing came and went. I tell myself every year that it’ll get easier, but the truth is that it never feels any easier. I miss you more than any letter could ever begin to describe. You were the mom I needed when mine wasn’t there, you were the voice of reason when the world got crazy. You were always so willing to tell it how it is and I respect you so much for that. I never got to tell you how much you mean to me and how grateful I am for all the memories that you gave me. It is because of you that I am the person that I am today.

Love you,
Sam, age 24

Dad,

I was only four years old when you passed but it’s taken me these 15 years to truly realize the extent of my heartache and pain. I miss you everyday and as I grow and become my own person, there’s nothing I want more than to tell you about my friends, my accomplishments, my dreams, my everything. I wish I could’ve gotten to know you over my life time and been able to see you through more than a just child’s heart and eyes. But, the memories I have of you are my most treasured and I will always see you as the best dad I could have ever hoped for. Lately, I’ve been looking for a sign, any kind of sign, to know you’re proud of me, to know you still watch over me. There’s nothing I want more. I truly hope to see you, hug you, and talk to you again one day.

I love you forever.

Sarah, 19

Miss J, 

I have been looking for you for years. You gave me the opportunity to strive to be the talented person I am today. I know we didn’t end on good terms, but I always wanted to say thank you for teaching me to be a great musician. You gave me an outlet to express myself because it’s hard for me to open myself up to people. My life and passion is music, and if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be the person I am today.

When people give me compliments, I always think about you and how grateful I am to have had you for a teacher. I’m soo sorry for the things I put you through as being a young, restless trouble-making kid. I always had such great love and respect for you but I was just too dumb to realize what I had. Now you’re gone and I can’t tell you how much I owe you. I am forever indebted to you. I hope I get the privilege to speak to you again. Until then, Thanks Miss J. 

Chris, age 30

Granddaddy, 

Well, granddaddy, it will soon be a year since you have passed away. I still cannot wrap my mind around that because it still feels like yesterday that I lost you. I miss you so much but I know that you are in a better place. God saw your suffering and I am glad that he took you because he loved you and needed you to be ok. I didn’t understand it and didn’t want to, but God knew better. Good news, granddaddy: our wish has finally came true. mom and I have gotten along since you have left us. We are now closer to each other than ever before. You must have had a conversation with God regarding us.

Thank you so much for that, I finally got the mom that I have always wanted. You are still looking out for us even though you are not here physically with us. Thank you again and know that your family misses you so much and love you. Until we meet again, I will remain strong for you because I promised you that and so far I have kept my promise. I will never let you down, granddaddy. Love you forever!

Your oldest granddaughter,
Nikki, age 32

Dad,

It is almost ten years since you have been gone. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. I see you in strangers’ faces when they pass me by. I hear your voice in a crowded store. I smell your scent every time I go to Papa’s house. I miss you so much, Dad. It gets hard to go on sometimes without you, but I know you are guiding me and helping me get through this crazy life.

I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you took your last breath. I wanted to be there, but I couldn’t get there in time. I’m sorry I stayed away so much while you were sick. I had a hard time seeing superman get sicker and sicker every day. I should have been there. Your last words to me always brings tears to my eyes. I love you too, daddy! You were an amazing man. I wish you could be here for whenever I get married. I don’t know how I am going to walk down the isle without you. I don’t know how I am going to get through my future wedding without you by my side calming my nerves. I love you forever, daddy! Until the next one, keep on trucking up in heaven!

Love your baby girl
Beca a.k.a Frog eyes, age 29

To CMH,

I miss you. But more important, I have been thinking of what I would have said. I was fortunate enough to tell you the big things at the end before you left - that I loved you, and I got to thank you for being my friend for all these years, and I have no regrets about that. But what I should have said was in the time before we knew you were sick again: that I knew you were being neglected, that if you wanted to move on you should have, that it would have been ok, that how you were treated in your own home was NOT ok.

I should have asked you more about the things YOU liked and wanted - not what you should have done, or what you think they needed or wanted. That your time was limited and we should have all helped you more. That you needed to go to the doctor for your regular check-ups. That you never should have waited that long the first time. That it was time to mend fences and spend time with the people who loved you.

That’s what I would have and should have said. All I can do now is learn those lessons and make sure it doesn’t happen to anyone else if I can help it. I love you, I miss you, and I wish you were still here. 

Love,
AMF, age 49

Hi Mom

I never got to say good bye and tell you that I love you. When you told me you weren’t going to make it it didnt really sink in, I was only 12. I wish I had one more moment to talk with you and tell you how awesome you are/were. Miss you more every day, hope you are proud of me, I did the best I could.

Love,
MK, age 47