Dear Other Man,

I am aching today. I am aching because I know I am not living the life I should/could be living. I am aching because I feel so overwhelmed by the things around me, so out of control of my life.

I am aching because while I’m in the shower with my tears, my husband is lying on the bed, content, reading the paper in his simple little life, oblivious to the turmoil going on in my head.

I am aching because I want to know you better. I am aching because I want to know: where you would live if you could live anywhere in the world? What you like to do on a quiet Sunday afternoon when you have no obligations? What it is like to watch you teach in your classroom? I am aching because I want to be closer to you and I can’t.

I am aching because I know I can’t be closer to you, and I wonder if this should continue as it is becoming more and more difficult for me to clearly think of my life, without the influences of my feelings for you, real or not. If we can’t be together, what are we doing?

I am aching today because I care for you a great deal, but also realize that I’m not sure who I’m caring for. Without the ‘total’ involvement, we can’t really know the other person. We are just skimming the surface and not deeply connecting. That is one thing that we cannot do, for now.

It is hard being good.

Aileen, age 57