My dear Jonathan,

It has been over 6 months since you passed away. I still feel just as lost today as I did when I got the dreadful call from the coroner. My concentration is still lacking. My appetite is still dull. I find myself looking for you where ever I go. I wait for you come home at night. My head knows you will not walk through the doors but my heart still aches for that chance.

I can honestly say that if you survived the car accident, you would have been on life support. I do not think I could have made the decision. God knew that, so he took you quickly and without suffering. He saw what was happening and placed my daddy, your grandfather, in the truck with you when you fell asleep behind the wheel. He was there to show you the way home to Heaven. You always admired your grandfather even though you never got the chance to know him. Your memories of him are through pictures and stories since you were nine months old when he passed. I feel like you are with him, talking about engineering, and us.

Your sister has told me the dreams she has had of you. I love the one when you told her, “Since I have been such a good angel, God let me come visit you”. I was so grateful for that but in the same sense, so jealous. I have not dreamed of you as of yet. Daddy visited me a few months after he passed. Why haven’t you? I need to hear your voice one more time, see your face, touch your hair, hug you one more time, even if only in a dream. I miss you so much. 19 is too young to pass away.

Please continue to watch over us every second of the day. One more day without is one more day closer to being with you, and I will rejoice. We love and miss you every moment of the day.

Love,

Mom, age 40