Dear Charlie,

The reason I refused to call you “Charlie” after we went away to college is because to me you would never be Charlie—you were just Chuck. But now, I will have to call you Charlie, because I don’t know or understand the person you have become. The one I used to know, the one I miss and love— his name is Chuck. But now you are just the bitter shell of the warm, loving, and strong person I used to know when we were teenagers.

The first time you chose to get high over spending time with our friends is the day you lost us. It is also the day that I first realized you had become “Charlie” and that Chuck was gone forever. When I look back to that time in my life, I realize that what actually hurts the most is the fact that you threw us away for a few ounces of drugs. The people you once claimed were the most important ones in your life, those who you claimed you needed in your life always, were disposable—I was disposable to you. After everything you and I went through together, you tossed me away for a high. It has taken me a long time to forgive you for that.

Today, at 24 years of age, I am still guarded, still cautious, and still unable to fully trust people because of you. There is a hole in my heart which I do not think will ever be filled. The pain you left me with will never fully heal and the scars still run deep. Despite this, I forgive you for everything. All I have ever wanted is for you is to be happy and loved; for someone to come along and love you enough so that you wake up and stop throwing away the people that love you the most.

Perhaps someday you will let go of Charlie and let Chuck come back. If you do, tell him I love him and I hope he can forgive me. If not, no need—-I don’t need Charlie’s forgiveness.

Love,

Dee, age 24