Dear Jan,

Do you remember me? You were my high school guidance counselor about 30 years ago. I was the too-skinny girl who kept coming back to your office long after I was first called in to see you for some wrongdoing I cannot recall.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for caring enough to guide me in what was one of the worst times of my life. I think of you sometimes, especially when people ask me how I survived my troubled teenage years. I think, “I don’t know if she knows how she made a difference in my life.” I don’t know if you knew what was happening in my home life or if you were intuitive, but your kindness and empathy made me feel cared for and worthy.

As I recall, you helped me apply for the job at the University bookstore my senior year, helped me get into the vocational technical school that same year, and helped me apply for Youth Conservation Corps when I was 15 years old. When classmates tried to beat me up after school, or when they teased me for being poor, I’d come into your office and talk to you about my problems. You didn’t ask me what I did wrong or tell me to fight back. Instead, you listened and gave me advice on how to handle the bullies. You treated me like I was a regular person. I sure didn’t feel regular. When I didn’t feel picked on, I felt invisible. I needed adult help to let me see there was life after high school. I needed your kindness, your empathy, and your guidance to make it through.

I’ll never forget this: My seeing you writing on a some form you had to fill out for me —maybe on my admissions form for Youth Conservations Corps, I don’t quite remember—that I was an above average student. That was the first time my intelligence was acknowledged. My parents never even looked at my report cards, didn’t ever help me with homework, and I certainly didn’t have good grades. Now, in my interactions with others, and especially with children, I model that same behavior: I let them know I think they are above average, even if they may not see themselves as such. Doing so will give them something to strive for, as it did me. I worked hard my senior year, after dropping out of school altogether my junior year and having to make up credits. I graduated from high school, whereas neither my twin nor my younger sister did. Maybe it’s because I had you to help me succeed.

I live in Eugene, Oregon now. I have a daughter who is going into high school in September. She was bullied a lot in elementary school—the subtle “If you don’t do this I won’t be your friend” kind of bullying that girls specialize in— and I worry about her in high school. Girls get bullied a lot more than people realize. But she has a mother who is prepared to know what signs to look for and who is available, unlike my mother was.

I suppose you were like a mother to me, now that I think about it. Please know that you made a difference in someone’s life—a huge difference. I am now a healthy and successful woman, who is happy in life. And I don’t let anyone bully me!