Dear Mom,

I will be going away for two months in a few days’ time. This time, I will be in South America, to fulfill my little dream of visiting every continent in the world. If you were still around, I know you would be very worried for me. You might discourage me from making this move because you have always been worried for me, for my safety. I can already imagine you shaking your head at my decision.

But if you were still around, I would give up this dream of mine to be with you, to stay by your side. I miss you, I miss the food that you cooked. I miss you singing to your favourite oldies. I remember you used to tell me that you only sing when you are happy. I wish I could hear you sing more. I miss you feeding me, and us doing grocery shopping together. I remember you cuddling me at aunt’s place, fanning and patting me to sleep despite the warm temperature and mosquitoes flying around. I felt so loved and yet I never told you that. 

Throughout my adolescent years, I was rude and rebellious towards you. I did not appreciate that you were working hard to support the family. I did not know you had been through a hard life growing up. I had taken so many things in life for granted. I am ashamed that I only got to know more about you in the last few months of your life.

Despite the pain and suffering you were going through - both from the cancer and the treatment itself- you fought on like a true warrior, never giving up for the sake of the family. Even on your bed, you were still worried about the household chores. You said that you still had many things you wanted to do. When I probed, you told me that there were still sewing to be done, you were worried about us and you were not ready to leave us. I did not reply because I did not know how to. I should have known that everything you did was all for the family and not for yourself. Mom, you were a strong woman and I am not sure if I can be as self-sacrificing as you. 

A few weeks ago, I was looking at your photographs from younger days. I saw how you aged from a beautiful young mother right up to the beautiful but tired-looking grandmother you were. If time could turn back, I want to be your little girl again and I will change myself to make you happier. Wherever you are now, I hope you will be truly happy. I love you, Mom.

Your Ling, age 35