Each man is a hero and an oracle to somebody.
                                      -Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Dear Granddad, 

It really hurts me to see you suffer. Though you try to fight it, I still pray you will get cured. Maybe it’s not very likely to get completely cured, but we still pray and hope. Sometimes I get teary when I think about you and Nana in Texas when I barely get to see you. You inspire me to just keep trying. Even when I write this, I begin to cry, but I try to stay brave just like you. 

Maddie, age 10

Dear Dad,       

You are still alive, but the way you have treated me is almost as if you are dead. I call and there is no answer. I leave messages which are never returned, and your attitude toward me, which was once negative, is now non-existent. You do not know who I am, what my plans for the future are, or about my current relationship. I feel for you because you are missing out on something great.

I hope in the future you will be able to take responsibility for your actions, such as abandoning your first daughter, and I pray every day you will not do the same to my little sister. I hope that in time you will come to realize that you disregarded the most important and one of the most influential people in your life. I hope one day you will look at a picture of me and hear from the rest of the family of how I used my degree to influence just about every person I meet.

I really hope you realize Rutgers, Harvard, and Princeton were not for me. I hope you believe that even without a degree from an Ivy League school, I can still be successful with what I do. I hope to see you one day and be able to have a conversation without being blamed for being a stupid 16 year old. I hope in time you can see what I become without you in my life.

Sincerely,
Kris, age 19

Dear F.B.

What happened to us? It is amazing to think that all that was our friendship simply disappeared without warning; and without so much as an attempt at a fight to hold on to it. It is fairly clear to see that we are simply too much alike, you and I. Each too afraid to show or say a true emotion because of how much pain they have caused us in the past. It is funny to think that we both likely feel that it was the other who abandoned this ship so easily. We both probably think it is the pride and stubbornness of the other that kept them from picking up the phone and no doubt that is how it began for us both. Now though, after years, it is the fear of admitting to someone else that they matter that much. So we have done our best to convince ourselves that they actually don’t.

The saddest thing I suppose is simply that after so many years it has probably become true, we don’t actually matter to each other anymore, and that is indeed sad. Because once this was not so. No matter how much we wish to say otherwise; no matter how much we tell ourselves that it wasn’t so, there was a time when we did indeed love each other, when we did matter very much to one another. Neither of us likely knows how this happened, especially since we have both trained ourselves so well to feel so little. Perhaps that is why. Perhaps we both know that we were both so afraid of letting anyone in that we could not help but be connected. Either way, it was likely doomed, love or no, from the beginning. People like us just cannot overcome the fear, the fear of someone truly knowing us, of someone truly being able to hurt us.

But even still we could not bring ourselves to leave each other completely. Instead we danced around each other like fools and cowards for years, neither ever gaining the courage to take that step, to run that risk, to say the truth. And then the rings of our dance grew wider and wider, each pulling farther and farther away from the fear and from the possibility of truth. Then all it took was a slight nudge, a series of unfortunate events, and it was over. We had stood atop our walls looking, watching each other for years, and finally we cut and ran, hiding behind the massive bulwarks that had kept us save for so many years, against so many things. And now here we are, over four years later. Strangers to each other, having spoken not a single word since, not even trying. Despite this, still all too often on each other’s minds.

So I wonder, what has happened to us, my friend? I expect no answer. I only felt compelled to ask, to wonder. How could we have let it go this far? Such complete fools we are. We threw away a friendship, which had once been more, simply because we are both complete fools. Nevertheless, I wanted to at the very least end this in a more deserving manner.

I hope life becomes everything you had always dreamed. I hope that you are well and happy. I hope you get that big house with three kids, a girl and two boys, if I remember correctly. Most importantly, I hope that you achieve your full potential and never settle for less than you deserve. This is all that I ever wanted for you. This is all that I ever tried to encourage you towards, and I apologize if it ever seemed otherwise. I apologize if you ever thought I was not being supportive or demanded too much of you. I only know how much you are capable of; how much you can achieve if you only rise to the challenge, despite the great fear of failure. You once called me an honorable and noble man, so take this at my word that I bear no malice or hard feelings and only wish for you all the best.

I doubt that we will ever see or speak to each other again, so above all else I hope that the memories of our adventures are more good than bad, and I hope you have many more grand memories and adventures to come, only with new faces and in different places. Ultimately, all that is left to be said of us is that there was once a time when we were friends but that time has passed, as all must.

Goodbye,
B.B., age 23

Dear Nick,

I haven’t cleaned out my inbox for a while, Today I decided it was time. It’s a terrible thing looking back on the past, at how things used to be. I miss you. It pains me to say it, but I do. I know it’s been nearly five months now, and each day I think about you less and less, but today…Why did I have to clean out my inbox? Today, I found an email you had written me.

“…But you did help me, Candace, in ways you didn’t know. I thought you should know. And I will always remember you. No matter what happens between us. I will always remember you, and I will always be grateful for what you have done for me. And I hope you remember this, too. I hope you will always remember the life that you saved, even without knowing it….” 

I don’t know if you still feel this way, but I will try my best to remember. If we should happen to see each other again someday, I will try and remember this, instead of how much you hurt me. 

Candace, age 20

Dear Elisa, 

I never got to tell you this but you were the best preschool teacher ever. You were always fun to be around, and if something was boring, you always made it fun. Whenever you read a story, you read it with enthusiasm and you changed your voice whenever a character in the story was talking. If I got hurt, you always came over to me and said funny stuff that would make me laugh and feel better. But most of all, thank you for being awesome. 

Love, 
Bliss, age 9 

Big Brother, 

Words can’t describe the feelings I have at the loss of you. You were my big brother and my hero. Not only my hero, but a hero to the United States as a Sergeant in the US Army. The last time I saw you was Easter day with your new girlfriend from New York. I didn’t realize or see all the pain you had built up. I couldn’t understand how someone like you could be so troubled. I am sorry I was not there for you when you needed me most.

I want you to know that I love you and that I am going to miss you for the rest of my life. I want you to know that you were loved by many and that many are missing you right now. What I am struggling with right now, is knowing that you were in so much pain and I couldn’t do anything to help you. You hid it well, and the reason being was you wanted everyone else happy before yourself. You loved everyone, and I hope you could see everyone loved you back. I can’t understand all of the problems you had, and I never will. I can’t walk in your shoes.

No one will ever replace you; there will always be a hole in my life that will never be filled. I recently met many of your friends from the military, and I am relieved to know that you were in good hands for the last six years. Spending time with your brothers, hearing stories, learning about the person you were has left me assured you were happy in their hands. They too are as puzzled and confused at the loss of you. We will never know if we could have been there more for you and that is what is bothering us the most. I haven’t talked to anybody about this since your passing, and I don’t think I ever will. I want you to know that I love you. I want you to know I’m going to miss you. I am unsure how my life will continue to play out from here, but rest easy knowing that I will always be thinking about you and trying to make you proud.

This doesn’t describe a fraction of the thoughts I have right now, but at least I can let you know how I feel, brother. You are loved, and always will be. I know you will be waiting in Fiddler’s Green, maybe I will meet you there. Until then keep telling stories and keep an eye out for me and the rest of your brothers and sisters. Take care of mom and dad, they need you, too. I love you.

Your Brother,
HD, age 21

Dear Emily,

I’m sorry things had to end the way that they did. I’m sorry that I couldn’t control my temper, and I made you feel like such a piece of shit these last couple of months. Thing is, my unconditional anger was just my pathetic way of masking my true feelings. Truth is, I’m still madly in love with you, and have been this whole time. I know, you cheated on me and it completely ruined us, but deep down, my love for you never died. And I don’t think it’s ever going to die. Because you’re essentially everything I’ve ever wanted in a girl. You’re beautiful, talented, smart, funny, genuine, and easy-going. I just wish I realized sooner that I was letting go of the most amazing woman I’ve ever known.

But it’s too late now, I’m totally aware of this. I’ve driven you away with my bitterness. It wasn’t right of me to try and get you back after pushing you away so persistently. Honestly, it was always my plan to try and get you back this summer. It was selfish of me to keep it from you; maybe if I had told you my intentions earlier, it would’ve worked. But I waited too long, and now you’re over me. It saddens me greatly. I’m incredibly upset over all of this. To think that you’ve already gotten over me, when I’m still crying over our break-up, makes me feel like a pathetic little girl. You have to realize, though, that I ultimately just want us both to be happy. The distance killed both of us, and it’s going to kill both of us again after this summer. I know now that a summer fling is unrealistic, there’s just too much emotional history between us at this point.

I just want you to know that I will always cherish what we once had. You were my first love, my first lover, my first (and only) long-distance relationship; you were my first everything. I just hope that you always remember me as the caring boyfriend that I was, not the resentful ex-boyfriend that I’ve become. I really hope you realize that my anger towards you is just reflective of the fact that you deny my love. If you won’t let me love you, then naturally, my hate for you is going to come out. But I don’t hate you; I care about you more than any other girl I’ve ever been involved with. I hope you find what you want, and stay away from assholes. I really think you’ll look back on me in ten years, after being in love ten times, and realize that I was the best you ever had. I was the most caring, the most genuine, and the most sincere. Then, and only then, will we be together again.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever find love like this again. Not because I won’t find somebody, but because I’m truly afraid to find someone. I’m afraid to open up as wholly as I did for you, because it ended it such tragedy. My first love ruined love for me altogether. And it sucks, because I’m just such a hopeless romantic. If I don’t have the capacity to love, then what the hell can I do? I guess I’ll just float on for now, and wander about my life of confusion and discontent. Maybe one day I can be as happy as I was when you were in my arms.

With unconditional love,

Dylan, age 18

Daddy,

It still doesn’t seem real. I can’t believe I’ll never hear your voice again. That I’ll never get to hug you, never get to see you again. This whole thing was such a shock, I still can’t get my head around it. I feel such regret, such guilt for all of the things that were never said, never fixed. For all the times I thought to call but never did, and for always thinking there was time.

But if I could see you again, one last goodbye, I wouldn’t want to talk about any of that. I’d want to tell you how much I loved you. Regardless of what our relationship was, I always loved you. I’d thank you for teaching me to love music, to love nature and animals. And I’d want to hear your stories. I’d love to hear you laugh. And I’d memorize your face, your smile. Because I don’t want to ever forget how you look. I don’t ever want to forget your voice. I’m so afraid of forgetting.

The last time I saw you, it was one of the best days we had together in a long time. I am so thankful for that. I wish I would have let my guard down, I wish I would have trusted that you had changed. I miss you every day. 

I love you.

Bear, age 24

Dear D,

I’m sorry that I broke up with you and then dated your friend soon after.  I think that you wanted to break up with me, too, but I couldn’t tell what was happening. I forget people oddly quick when I don’t see them for a while and it was hard to keep my attachment to you.  I don’t know what would have happened but I only know that I was closer to you than I have ever been with anyone, and I feel so stupid for forcing you away. Especially as I keep finding how difficult it is to form new attachments.  I don’t think it would have worked anyway, but I miss talking to you.  Sometimes I think about going to that bench.  I don’t know why I thought of you when I saw this site.  I hope you’re happy, though.

From,
S, age 20