My Dearest PK,

You were my best friend. I always felt you deserved a better human than me and now that you are gone, I know that was so. I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you better. I’m so sorry I let you get hurt. I still say to myself that I can’t believe he killed you. I know you’re gone but my heart feels you with me and it hurts. I have been told you love me and understand and forgive me… but I don’t forgive me, even knowing I can’t move on without doing so. I’m sorry for the times I shooed you away or moved you to the side instead of petting you more. I’m sorry I didn’t quite get what we had until you were gone.

I have dreams that you jump on the bed and take your place at my feet, curled up, encircled by your tail. I wake up suddenly and look for you before I remember. I miss our chats while you circle around my feet, over and over. I got out of the shower this morning and recalled how you would come in while I was drying off, checking out the tub, rubbing my shins and leaving black fur all over my damp legs. I used to hate that. I wish you were here to do it again.

I would have told you I love you more. I would have forgiven your neediness you saw as entitlement. I would have petted you more and told you how much you enriched my life. I would have thanked you for never making me cry alone. I would have stopped typing and let you sleep in the keyboard while I cuddled you. I would have let you play under the sheets while I made the bed. I would have told you how beautiful you are 20 times a day instead of 10. I would just let you be Pretty Kitty.

Eternally Your Human Companion, with Much Love & Gratitude,

Melissa, age 40