My Love,

Yesterday my heart hurt. A pain I’d never felt. I couldn’t imagine what could be the cause.

You and I haven’t spoken in three years. When we see one another, we look the other way. Avoidance at all costs. We have families to consider. It kind of became “our thing”. 

Now I know…the pain I felt was the moment you left this earth and a piece of my heart broke off and went with you.

I had thoughts of submitting letters on here to you. To say the things I’ve held inside for years, afraid to say out loud. I couldn’t bare to hurt us or them anymore than we already had. But I never thought, not for one second, that I’d have to write them here because you were really gone. Now I’m left with regrets and thoughts of what could have been.

So now I’ll stand with her in the days to come. She and I will forever share the bond of loving you and having you torn from our lives so abruptly. Leaving so much unfinished. So much unsaid.

I loved you then, I love you now, I will love you forever.

Love,
Beautiful, age 40

Dear Mom, 

It’s really true how you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.  In my mind, it’s like your still here.  I have to fight the urge to call you up from school to tell you how I’ve been or when something awesome is happening.  I always want to turn to you for advice and support when I do something that I know Dad wouldn’t be happy with.  It’s scary not knowing that I can no longer always count on you to help me figure things out. 

I had a dream about you for the first time in nine months since you’ve been gone.  I’ve had one every single week since that dream.  I have flashbacks all the time to the months before you died.  The only things I can ever seem to remember are the bad things.  The time with the hash browns, when you were trying to buy me music but your credit card got declined, and when you couldn’t walk or make sentences. The time you wanted to order food and everybody kept trying to do it for you, and that time you were talking to dad about what you wanted to get us for our birthdays.  

Christmas is coming up, and I can’t help but think of last Christmas.  It was perfect.  We were so happy.  Who knew that a month later, you would be gone?  I’m sorry I didn’t say I love you enough.  I’m sorry that I was embarrassed by you.  I’m sorry for every time that I tried to push you away.  I wish I had been home more. People aren’t supposed to have “regrets”.  I’m not saying that I regret anything, but I would give the entire universe to spend one more day with you so I could tell you all of this.

You were such a good Mom.  I miss you more than anything I’ve ever missed.  I hope you aren’t upset with me for running away from Dad’s or how I will be transferring schools next semester.  Since you died, I have felt more lost than ever.  I try so hard to hide it, too.  I act like I know exactly what I am doing, even when I feel like the entire everything is about to squash me.  You were always so proud of me.  Are you proud of me now?  When I laugh, I look like you. 

Love a million moon pies,
Sarah Jane, age 18

Erica, 

It has been a while since I last saw your smile. I’ll always remember it was a beautiful night in June.

I’ve told you a million times how wonderful you are within the past few years. If I were to tell you another million times, I would. At first, I didn’t think you would be so important to me. You came into my life like a random person that I thought you would just walk away like all the others, but you changed my whole world instead. There were so many things that I want you to know, and I wish upon the stars every night wishing you would see how I feel.

You pulled me together when I was broken into pieces. You let me count on you when there’s nobody else can help. You told me to take a step forward in my life, and another step forward when I felt like stopping. You always held my hands tight before I broke down crying for whatever reason it was. Because of you, my life is no longer the same. And I’m stronger than ever.

Indeed, you didn’t have to do all these for me, and I cherish every moment I spent with you. I remember every word you said to me as if I would not be able to hear them again. You’ve been my inspiration, and so much more. Thank you for loving me and being there for me when the time is getting hard. You’ve been the first one I’d look to and the only one who would never give up on me.

It is because of you that made me believe in love. And I want you to know that wherever you go, you’ll see me when you look back like I think of you and smile every once in a while even when you’re gone. You gave me the whole world, and I’d be glad to share my universe with whom I love and admire.

I could have held you in my arms and never let you go that night, but I thought it would be better if I don’t see you cry. I watched you walk away in the long line knowing that you’re heading for a brighter future. What happened doesn’t really matter. Just go save another life!

Looking back on how things could have been, it could not been better. The days I spent with you were like magic, and what you did there were more than enough for me. Don’t blame me for not telling you this when you were here, because you’ll see in the future that one day, I’ll say to my children that I was lucky to meet an angel like you.

So I’ll end this up with what you’ve always said to me, “Don’t worry for the time being.” And that means both of us.

Yours,
Max, age 17

Dad,

I know that day when you fell and called and you panicked, you wanted me to move in with you and mom and take care of you. But I need to tell you that was impossible, so I called around and got you some help with home health nurses. Dad, I adored you and always will love you and I’m sorry I disappointed you but I hope you understand.

I love you,
Karen, age 51

Drummer Boy,

I know we only just met, and for a short amount of time, but I already know I have feelings for you. I never thought I would feel like this; butterflies in my stomach everytime I think of what we could be together. 

When we first meet back in November, you were just another annoying drummer to me, but as we started playing together every night during the musical, I realized that you were a soothing special in an ordinary world. 

I don’t know whether you feel the same way. I only wish for you to experience how I feel about you with someone, even if it’s not me. Thank you for being the motivation that has helped me lately and I want you to know, I love you.

Singed,
Love sick bass player, age 17

Dear Uncle J,

Today is again the anniversary of your death. I am always prepared to have a blue day, but I can’t always bring myself to have it. Just the usual pain I feel.

If you were here, we’d be closer. I just needed to grow up in order to open my eyes and see how important everyone is. I wish I could tell you about my life and how strong I am now. I wish I could apologize for what happened the Christmas before you left us. I should have stayed with you. I blame myself. I feel that little act could have saved you, but you know what? I have forgiven myself, even though I will never forgive you.

Every year gets harder and harder, even though I feel the same. I think it’s because as I grow older, I realize even more that I won’t get you back even though I already know that.

I will probably never get over my anger toward you, but I will always speak highly of you even though you have not earned it. You lost that.

I wish I could tell you everything about me, but you obviously didn’t want to hear it. I’m not sure what more to say but I will probably be back next year to write to you again.

I love you bunches.

Your niece, age 20

Dear Beau,



We got lost somewhere along the way. You said “something happened to what we used to be” and yesterday I figured it out. You lost yourself. My shrink once told me “people change but their essence remains the same.” You were still that gorgeous guy that played guitar late at night, watched series with his dad and liked wine. What I’m trying to say is, you changed, you stopped trying to make us work.



And it’s okay. We’re young and I shouldn’t have expected so much out of you. You weren’t ready to be my person. You weren’t ready to tell your friends about me, travel together, introduce me to your family or talk about our future. It was a dead end relationship from the very start. But it was beautiful. So goddamn beautiful and fuck anyone who says otherwise.



We were two people in love. God, I still love you. I think a part of me always will. Right now, I am setting you free. I don’t hate you or resent you for not putting in as much as I did. I understand you weren’t ready.
I wish you the best. If you got back together with your ex, good for you, she’ll give you whatever I couldn’t.



Goodbye, this will be the last letter I write you. It will go in the box where I kept all of your unsent love letters. It will be hidden in my closet, far away from view, under a lock, with a thousand other memories I’m not strong enough to dust off.



Always,


Gabriella, age 17

Dear Hannah,

Ever since we were thirteen, and the ‘weirdest’ girls in the 'cool’ clique, I thought I knew we’d be friends for life. Having someone like you that understands everything and anything I say is a rarity at most. I loved everything about growing up with you, and for that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t know if you think about this everyday, or not at all, but it’s sad not having someone like you in my life. 

After our first and last argument, in the summer before our twentieth birthdays, life is so different. All of my stories are stories about us, things that we did that no one else would get. My jokes are jokes that we have told and shared…no one else can laugh at the same things, or give me one glance and have us both burst into laughter. 

Having a best friend is something many people have, but the similarities in our humour and hearts are something that I have difficulty finding with anyone else. Our early morning bike rides, adventures with boys, nights out, sleepovers and parties we shared are things that are inevitably stored in my memory.

I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you were not as important as me, because to me, you were the most important person out there. I’m sorry if you felt overshadowed or that I didn’t respect your choice in boyfriend, which lead to the end of our friendship.

I sometimes wonder how you’re doing. I wonder whether it is worth trusting anybody, or getting to know anybody as a friend, because it can all be taken away from you in a ten-minute phone call. 

You are due all of the happiness that you deserve and from what I know of you, I love you.

From,
Jessica, age 20

Dear Liz,

Liz, you make my heart race and my breath slow. You simply put a smile on my face. It is undeniable how gorgeous you are inside and out. Your easy going nature, loving sarcasm, cute gestures, and beauty draw me closer. I haven’t met a girl like you. One who is so easy to talk to; who I want to confide my deepest secrets and most sincere thoughts with. No matter how our time is spent together it is always an adventure. Never has there been a dull moment. Who would’ve guessed that I’d find love in Alaska? I love you, Liz.

Love,
Me - age 17

Dear Mema, 

Even though I see you and can touch you and feel you with me, I still miss you. I miss the old you, the one who knew my name, the one who would take me to pick buttercups from the garden, the one who loved my dad and all of your other children. I will admit, I hate coming to visit you now. I can’t stand seeing you like that. Over the past four years, I’ve seen you slowly go downhill from the fun-loving, spoiling her grandkids, caring grandma that you always were when I was growing up, to the woman who can’t form sentences and doesn’t even recognize her own family. 

I know the anger and hatred is not really you speaking. I know the real you would never dream of speaking to anyone that way. I just have to remind myself that it’s not really you. I’m going to remember you the way you used to be, I promise. I will not let the way you act alter my feelings and love for you because I know it’s not you. 

I think it’s even harder for me to comprehend right now that I could tell you this to your face, but you wont understand a word I say, and you won’t know who I am. You see me growing up and came to graduation, and see me progressing on my life’s journey, though you see it you don’t know it. I would give anything for you to be your old self just for five minutes so I could tell you how much I love and miss you. There’s no way to let you know how much you have influenced me in my life. I just wish I would have known when I was younger that Alzheimer’s Disease would have taken the real you away from me; maybe I could have remembered the last day I spent with you while you were still in your right mind. 

I wish there were a way I could tell you I love you and you would understand. 

I love you and miss you and I am sorry that you can’t comprehend that anymore.

Your first Granddaughter,
Kristen, age 19