The Things You Would Have Said
Month
Dear Friend,
Thank you for helping me be myself and not think about what other people think or say about me. You taught me to not always be unhappy about what happened in the past. Like the time your friend ignored you–well, you moved on with life.
You taught me to be who I am. I used to be a bad person but your influences changed me. Thank you for your support and help to make me a better person. I’ll always be your friend in heart.
From,
Nishit, age 10
Dear Grandpa,
I just wanted to let you know I think of you everyday. And I miss you. I always wonder how things would be if you were still around. I wonder if Grandma would be healthier today if you were here to keep her on track. If you would have liked all the boyfriends that all the girls have had. Most of them have all stuck around. I wonder who your favorite would have been.
I wish you still grew asparagus. They are my favorite vegetable because of you and I request them with every meal. I also miss all the pretty flowers you grew. Lillies are my favorite; same with Jessi. Mom likes them too, but her favorite are orchids. You would love the room she has now in the house. She turned the porch into a plant room. It’s full of orchids.
Dear Dad,
I’m turning into you. I hate it. You hated mom for gaining weight. I despised you for doing that. I was always listening to the remarks made when dessert was ordered or more than enough food was on her plate. It has made me so self-conscious of my weight and appearance. When I was younger, I would hide what I ate for fear of you seeing me and saying something about it. Even worse, now my husband is gaining weight and I feel myself getting angry at him for not wanting to change his habits. I feel myself becoming less attracted to him. It makes me hate myself. I’m not going to become like you anymore. He is the love of my life. My soulmate. I can’t push him away like this for something so shallow. I will change. I will not become like you. Will not.
L, age 27
Dear Larry,
You passed away a few weeks before I had the opportunity to meet you. You are the grandfather of my boyfriend, the man who I cherish so much. I was able to meet the rest of your loving family at your funeral. They were so strong and so welcoming towards me. I first met my boyfriend’s parents, your daughter Deb and her husband, at your house a few days after you had passed away. Your house was a beautiful reflection of the caring and hardworking person you were. Your hundreds of tools and parts in the basement were being sorted through and I realized then, and afterwards, what a giving and dedicated person you were. I’m sorry I never got a chance to meet you, but I would like you to know that I think the family that you and your wife have built is a beautiful one and I am so blessed to now be part of it.
Katie, age 22
Rick and Robbie,
I hope the things you did to me haunt you. I don’t have very many clear memories; after all, I was only 7 years old. I don’t remember your last name, but I remember you were about 16 and 14, that my dad met your mom while they worked together at the hospital, that you had a sister, and that you had a little poodle named Bubblegum. You may have been kids yourselves, but through my 7-year old eyes, you were adults. Had authority. Were powerful. Were scary. Especially you, Rick.
I don’t remember how long my brother and I were under your care or how long you sexually abused me, but I have been burdened by the effects of that abuse for the last 29 years. I wonder how many other girls you abused? Any boys? Do you have families today? Kids? God, I hope not.
Dear Jacob,
It has been four months since you left us to walk among the angels. I have so much I want to say, yet don’t know what to say. I know how much I miss you every moment of every day. That week you and Jimmie were in the ICU, I thought that was the hardest week that I had ever had. The doctors were not giving you very much chance of surviving the accident, but you showed them how strong and brave you were by fighting as hard as you did to stay with us. I now know that the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life was tell my brave 17 year old young man that it was okay to go to sleep and rest. You were tired and needed to get some rest. You were surrounded by all of your friends and family and we were just holding onto you and remembering what wonderful person you are. When you were no longer breathing the same air we were, my heart just stopped. I did not know what to do or say. I couldn’t even go see Jimmie in the room across from you. I didn’t know how he was doing either, because I couldn’t hear anything except you calling to me and saying, “I love you Mommy”.
Dear Queen Elizabeth,
When you lived, you were mostly grumpy and grouchy. Your subjects were sometimes beheaded. If you could relive your life again, would you be kinder or take another chance to behead more people?
Truthfully, you were nothing like Queen Elizabeth the II.
Sincerely,
Finn, age 10
Jenny,
In middle school, when I first met you, you were kind and thoughtful. You talked to me when I was the super awkward sixth grader on the first day of school. You helped me learn the ropes of school that you somehow learned from your brother. I was too shy to ever inform you of the crush I held from the day I met you.
The day I learned you had taken your first puff of pot, a part of me died. That single puff created the demise of your life as I knew it, and the demise of my crush on you. From pot you went on to other drugs, harder drugs; however, I did nothing to stop what I thought was wrong. I heard stories through the grapevine that you passed out after mixing horse tranquilizers and alcohol, and had to get your stomach pumped in the ER. Why would anyone, especially you, start fooling around with drugs? You came from a good and loving family.
Dear John,
I may not have know exactly known what to say to you, but I truly wished you would have called me that fateful Friday instead of taking that final desperate act to end the pain. I will not lie, I may not have known exactly how you felt, but I might have had a clue. Getting the text message from DJ telling me that you were gone hit me like freight train. I couldn’t believe it. When I had seen you a couple of weeks ago after losing my job, you were the one encouraging me, you were the one telling me everything was going to be OK, that I would be at work again very soon, and you would help me if I needed anything. Why couldn’t I have had that same chance with you?
Dear Grandpa Ray,
A lot of things have happened since you got Alzheimer’s disease. I’ve started playing soccer and I am in 5th grade now. My soccer club is called F.C. Portland. I play on a team called Maroon. I used to play for a team called Topaz, but they moved me up to Maroon. That was my goal, to get moved up onto Maroon. I tried super hard and I guess it worked. I wish I could have shared this with you.
I know what you look like on the outside, but I wish I could still remember what you were like on the inside before Alzheimer’s swept you away. I wish I could remember what we did together. I wish I spent more time with you. I could have said so many more things like, “how are you?” and “what did you do today?”
I have learned that when you have something you love, you need to make the best of it and love it. I could have said so much more to you, but I didn’t.
I wish I would have taken more time to tell you I love you. I guess people don’t really think about the things they want to say, or should say, until they can’t say it anymore. I wish I could have said, “I love you” when you knew you loved me too.
Love,
Kate, age 11
Dear Little Brother,
It will be five years in June since I saw you last. I remember the last words I said to you: “See ya later." Except I never did. I never saw you again, alive. I saw you broken, and bruised, lying lifeless in a cold emergency room, with callous nurses coming and going from our semi-private hell.
I saw our mother and father laying over you, crying in agony as only a mother and father can do for their lost child. There is never a sight or sound as that. It is burned forever into my mind.
I lost my heart that afternoon. I know because I felt it die when I woke up the next morning, and knew that it was real, and not a terrible dream.
I have a child of my own now. A little boy. He will never know how wonderful you were, how great of an uncle you would be. He is four months old. He smiles at the ceiling at times; at something, or nothing. I think it must be you, reaching out to him in the only way you are able to now. Nineteen will sound old to him, until he is 19. And then he will understand how young you were taken from us.
I will never know my nieces and nephews. I will grow old, without siblings to care for each other. I feel jaded. I hope that you don’t. I hope that you did not feel anything, that you do not remember, and that you never know what happened on June 7th, except that you went to sleep on a warm summer afternoon, and woke up in eternity. We love you. I love you. I pray for you.
Love always,
Sis, age 27
Roslyn and Shawn,
It has almost been a year since we met out on Bottle just north of Kabul, Afghanistan. We were on the way to a meeting with some Afghans. They knew we were coming, though, and were waiting. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about either of you since then. The whole day plays over and over in my mind. Sometimes I still feel like this is a 1000 lb weight. Maybe writing this will help.
Shawn, I am so sorry we couldn’t get you out faster. I know you were scared. We were all scared. We did everything we could, though. Eventually we had to use a crowbar and axe to get you out, but it was too late. It took almost an hour; my hand still hurts sometimes. Sorry…we should have moved faster. You were never alone, though. We were with you…I hope you heard us. I can’t get the picture out of my mind. I still feel so helpless sometimes, and mad, mad, mad that I was so slow. I know I should just let it go. I might try to visit you sometime in VA. Sorry for everything, and for your family.
Roslyn, what were you doing out there with SUVs? That question haunts me still. What were you all thinking? Didn’t you know not to ever trust them? We were running late that morning. We got there at 0811, about 5 minutes after. As soon as I saw the truck, I just knew. We took you out of the SUV carefully, and picked you up so you could get home quickly. We worked for an hour to make sure everything was taken care of. We prayed for both of you on the side of the road. I think it was 100 that day.
Dear Clyde,
I’m sorry for not keeping you safe the way I was supposed to. I know you just wanted to explore the world and for that reason, I’m sorry the front door was left open that night. The temptation of Spring was just too much for you. We found you the next day. You had almost made it home but someone hit you and didn’t bother to stop. All they would have had to do was look at your collar and tags and call; I was less than a block away.
I just want you to know that I love you and I miss you. I miss you laying on your back and letting me run my toes through your orange fur. I miss your purring on my pillow at night and I miss my cuddly companion. Amaya is 7 now and she misses you too. Every time she gets a balloon she releases it in the hopes that you will get it. We love you buddy. You will always be remembered.
Love,
Stiny, age 30
Dear Birth Parents,
I know that I haven’t seen you since I was one month old, but I hope you are doing well. I miss China because I used to live there, but I miss you because I think you might be really nice. And beautiful.
Who is my other sibling? I know you wouldn’t give me up unless that was why. I feel bad for you guys because you can’t have more than one child. I wonder about you a lot.
Well, Zai Jian.
Your daughter,
Georgia, age 9
Dear Kids,
I would like to start by saying I am very sorry for my failures as a parent so far. Your father and I were way too young when we started our family. We were truly children trying to be grown up way too fast. We were not always choosing the right choices for you because we were selfish in our own childhood desires.
We tried to raise you children with the freedom to choose a lot of things. We didn’t have a lot of structure, rules, or punishment. I know we didn’t spend the time you all needed. I do know that we always showed you our love. We still have a lot of time left to become a happy, healthy, functional family. We should have introduced you children to God a long time ago. We were too busy living a life of sin.
Since I’ve been in jail, I have realized a lot of my failures as a parent and ask for your kids’ forgiveness, and the chance to show you that I love each one of you so very much. I want the chance to be the mother and friend you each deserve. With the Lord on my side and his love, I know he will guide me in doing this. You kids are my world. I love you each so much it hurts.
Love,
Mom, age 41
To Marie, my dear grandmother,
You never knew that I was born; that I existed. I have a brother, too.
I also never knew about you. I was not told your name. My mother died with incredible guilt of not saving your life. My mother died, my father died, never knowing your fate.
And then a miracle. The executor brought me the huge box of hidden family papers, including my mother’s passport with a red J stamped. Your letters to my mother were so full of love for your only child. However, the letters abruptly stopped arriving in 1941.
For the next two years I translated, searched, investigated, and also read numerous history books of the Nazi regime. Because of my love for you, I read all the published personal diaries, written by survivors of the camps.
Nisreen,
I miss you so much. I am sorry for what happened. If I could relive that day, I would have never driven in the rain. I would have put my hand out to keep you secure in the seat. I wish I would never have asked you to go with me in the first place. The kids and I should have gone alone, because here I am alone now. I miss you, dear sister, so much, and I am so sorry. If I could just redo that day again, I would have hit the brakes even harder and I would not have steared the car into the shoulder of the road.
I am so hurt by the way God betrayed me, Nisreen. I prayed to him, I asked him to protect us, and I never hurt anyone. Why would he take you away from me? I have never gotten in a car accident in my whole life. If he wanted to punish me for divorcing Hisham and separating the kids from their father, he could have picked a thousand other ways to punish me. Why would he do this to me? I miss you beyond words. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.
Your sister, age 39
Dear Tavita,
By the way, about a year ago in April after school, when we went into your house to get some water and a snack, I was the one who stole your zucchini bread. Sorry, but it tasted so good.
From,
Huston, age 8